Ive been noticing a strange trend between my grandparents at the moment, and its slightly starting to concern me. So my Grandma is over at my house currently, she usually lives a good 2 hrs away from my city so its rare that I see her. Either way, over the last 9 months when she has come to visit, there is always some sort of homophobic comment coming from her. It ranges from insulting her gay neighbours (which by the way, they are very nice people, I doubt that they would do anything to hinder her or the community ), or just always asking questions such as "oh well why do people need to change their gender, are they just picky and want to cause people trouble?" (an actual quote) Then on top of that, I have my Grandpa who in general, is a doucebag and the largest arsehole I know. He separated from my grandma, so he has a "partner" who seems to be more accepting, however, his stance is that he doesn't want anything to do with any LGBTI+ person, he was talking proudly to me one time about how he stopped talking to one of his friends that came out to him and his social group, just for the fact that he had the courage to come out. Hes just a disgusting person in all aspects. The only person in my family who knows that I am Bi is my Aunty and I know that she wouldn't ever tell anyone about it (Its a long story, I can explain it in bigger detail but TL: DR, Dad would not approve, Grandpa would not approve, and from looks of things, Grandma would also not approve, basically all of my Dads side would be against me except for this one Aunty), and no one in my family knows that I am questioning my gender (unless they are assuming I guess), so im not sure why there is a huge focus on all of these comments all the time. While I hate my Dad and my Dads family quite a bit, at this current moment, I cant get them out of my life (eventually ill get to a stage where ill be able to and would love to). Reason behind that is 1) I like having a house 2) I would like to complete my education, which will most likely take about 5 more years or so 3) While I have a few great people that support me, I don't have a strong friendship group. I don't really know what to do. There is a lot of information there, so I get that it could be hard to come up with a response.
I think you shouldn't come out to your homophobic family, at least until you live on your own. If they don't accept that you are gay, that might get you into trouble. In some cases, if they are that homophobic, they might even kick you out of your house... Now like you said, you would like to complete your 5 years of education so i won't take the risk. However, coming out to friends you trust is a good idea. They might be supportive which can make you feel more confident about your sexuality. I came out to my friends and they are totally fine with the fact that im gay. Now like you said, that you don't have a strong friendship group... Well you should get to know some nice people who would like to be your friends, i know that sometimes it is harder to make friends from the same gender if you are gay (i honestly dont know about bisexuals) like it is hard for me. Just dont judge people based on their appearance, find nice people, be friends, and make your friend group that you trust to come out to! Good luck i hope i helped
Become the most informed you can about LGBT issues, and what makes people gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender etc., then you can respond to your family's homophobia with educated responses. Try and educate them. Also, become an example of love and compassion. Become very conscious not to judge people and try to speak of people with understanding and empathy. Trust me, you will be very respected by your family, even if they don't necessarily show it (because they may have too big of egos to admit they're wrong, but their attitudes may change over time)
Is it okay to refer to other resources here? If so: Do an internet search for 'captain awkward'. It's an advice blog and a veritable gold mine for practical tips on how to deal with People Who Insist On Behaving Like Total Jerks, not only when it comes to sexuality and gender. There's also a lot of good, practical stuff about self-care there so you'll stay as healthy as possible while biding your time until you can ditch those horrible people. Also: Kicking toxic people out of your life feels great. I did it and I've never looked back.
