So, the night before this, I'd been talking about my ex with a close friend. We exchanged a few comments about her, and how she had to audacity to say she still cared about then ignore me every day from there on out. Or how she said that she was scared of me because I was getting older and stronger, and say exactly that. We broke up five months ago, give or take a month. I had even told her how if her new boyfriend ever did her any wrong I'd, "Wring out his neck." Because of this, I don't know what I should do. When we were together it was some of the happiest times of my life, I knew I had someone there for me. I knew that somebody gave a damn. She was my first girlfriend, first kiss, first... a lot of things really. Now, I'm seeing everyone around me with someone and it just feels like a massive hole I can't get out of. Almost every night I go between either getting sad and crying myself to sleep, or not caring at all. The problem is, she was with someone new not even four days after we broke up. Then there's me over here, five months after, just starting to get over her. It honestly feels like she had cheated on me, that could also be my own paranoia. There still isn't a day that goes by that I don' think of her. Even worse, I have to see her every weekday, with her new partner. Now, I am going to get back on topic after rambling with poor paragraph structure. Last night, I had a dream about being back together with her. It was almost as though we hadn't broken up. Most of the dream is hazy, but I'm pretty sure it was what we had planned. We were going to eventually move in together, and travel to wherever we wanted to. From what I remember, we were on a cliff side, my arm around her, and we were looking out into the horizon across the ocean. At the same time, I don't think it was that, but I felt a lot happier. I felt like a whole again. I'd like to thank anyone that took the time to read to here, even just out of curiosity, and an even bigger thank you to anyone that can help me out.
I can relate to that, I had a dream about being back with my ex too many times during last year, after he ended it on me, and well it is very hard. For the longest time before I had become friends with him, I didn't think I was going to have any good friends, I was hanging around people I hated just so that I could say to myself "at least im not alone". Then yea, my life improved tenfold when I hung out with this guy, I felt like I could talk about anything, felt like I was actually a valid person and I wasn't just being used as a "fair weather friend". It was the best period of my life. Then things turned around, we lost communication for over 2 months early on at the start of the relationship, Depression had snuck up on me, and started skewing with my thoughts, which brought on anxiety, and to make things even better, he went on an exchange to Finland for 2 and a half months. So communication was majorly screwed, I wasn't sleeping at night because I was getting more and more desperate to talk with him every day as I was just going further down the hole of depression, and well to make things worse, he was barely online due to his host family only giving access to internet sometimes. it was the worst. Then he got back, and everything was so different, and weird. It was like he was a completely person, and I thought everything was ok, and tried to go on like normal, and then it just happened one day. He just got sick of me coming up to him, and just broke it off. ( in some aspects, im still concerned about his health as it is, I keep in contact with his brother and it just seems like he has disconnected from his family as well, but that's another story) So your probably wondering why I just explained my exes story? Well its because I have had the same types of thoughts and such that you have had, and I was affected by it for the longest amount of time. I think the thing that started it was the fact that she got with someone so quickly, and that paranoia around that started up. In my situation, since he just secluded himself from EVERYONE so quickly and without an explanation, my main concern at the time was if he found someone else, which wasn't the case. So basically the reason that you have been having the dreams about your ex are most likely as you explained before, she made you feel good, she made you happy, and in a relationship, that's a nice thing to have. Its hard looking at other people around you in relationships, but just know, that if you have to wait longer for a person, its ok, it gives you more time to understand more about yourself, and to make good friendship connections. Everything has its time in the world, and yours will come soon to find some special Also, one thing I found that helped me so so so much, if you can, see if you can sit down with her one time just to talk. You don't necessarily have to talk about the "why did you break up with me?" , in fact id recommend against it. Just if anything, talk like your friends, which hopefully you can get to that point, because having bad connections with people is the worst, and if you can, its best to minimalize them. I do hope that was useful and wasn't me just going off on a random side note
