Angry with a friend

I'm not sure my anger is entirely warranted. I'm sure in some regard, it is, but I can also be quick to jump to a--f*ck you--mentality. It's not a popular thing, and doesn't leave you with many friends if every screw up or rude action is an immediate dismissal, so I've learned in my adult years to let some things go. This situation, though, is hurtful in some ways.

I've been having a medical problem for a little over a year now. It's gotten slightly worse, but has remained chronic, and a medical mystery amongst some doctors, while others are just straight up dismissive of anything I say and was recently pretty much told to suffer through it. Suffice it to say, I've been going through a really rough time, and have found EC to be a great outlet that takes my mind off of my extremely uncomfortable non-life that has become my everyday.

My best friend, who has gone with me through a decent amount, especially my coming out and coming to terms with my sexuality, has been pretty absent. She was adding some slight input into my depressive rants about my life and how I feel and things going on with doctors, but for the most part, seemed bored or whatever it is when someone is ignoring your texts. I understand that it's hard to deal with someone who is constantly frustrated and going through a tough time, but isn't that when you're supposed to be there for your friend the most? I have people on here being more supportive than my real life supposed BFF. It's been almost 5 days since she's even texted me. She sends me stupid snapchats and tagged me in something on instagram and I'm just like, do you think that's some real effort?? She's actually reminding me of my Trigger crush; being there in a half assed way just to keep me there. This is off track, but my Trigger reminded me of her almost the entire time, and is why I stuck around for so long - because I felt like I knew what her actions were going to be, and it was my excuse for letting her be in my life for way too long. Anyway, I don't think she's doing it for the same reasons, but this is really unacceptable to me, and I don't even know how to navigate it. I kind of want to tell her to f*ck off and not speak to me anymore. I feel like she could argue that she had been speaking to me, or that she said hey and I never answered, which is true, but it was only because I couldn't stand talking to 1/4 of her.

I'm not trying to be a princess and think she should be going supremely out of her way to talk to me, but I'm going through a really hard time, and she's barely been there, and I don't know how to forgive her for it. She's a pretty selfish person, and I guess she's always been and always will be, and this is the hard evidence of it.

What would you do?

 

I'm not sure she'd write much. It's possible some things she would say is that, she said hey to me last week and I never answered back, so she figured I didn't want to talk. Or some other way to turn it around and make it not her fault. Nothing's ever her fault. She's allowed to be the wicked witch of the west and still things aren't her fault. When we vacationed once, she made the majority of the trip miserable because she was having issues with being in the car so long, which she knew was going to be a large part of our trip, but did she say sorry for making me miserable? No, because that's just her and I should have known better.

 

So we are speaking again. I got in touch with her and asked what was up. She said what I thought she would, that she felt like I didn't want to talk - but I explained that her not speaking to me during a time of destress was actually really hurtful. I guess I should be happy that I have a friend I can talk that candidly to. We moved past it, but our relationship is a little different. Maybe it's just about getting older? Our lives are different right now. She's busy with work, and I'm busy with myself, haha.

@Orchidea -- thank you for your kind words. I actually have been feeling a bit better, but haven't wanted to talk about it much as not to jinx it! I'm being real nice and ridiculous about it. I'm on medication right now, so I'm not sure how much of that is keeping me well, or if it's something else I've been doing to fix the problem. In the coming weeks, I will know -- they're going to be really hard, but hopefully only emotionally. Hopefully only stress of hoping I remain well while continuing to heal! It sucks, but is way better than actually being ill.

I'm also laughing a little at what you say about certain friends being for certain things. I have had that exact thing said to me before, and have said it myself to others! It's a true statement. It just makes me sad in regard to her because she's my bff and supposed to be able to do everything with me, or be everything for me, but I guess that's not entirely true anymore.

Right now, I am just focused on getting well. Thank you again.