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I don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by black, Apr 18, 2016.

  1. black

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2016
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    Location:
    uk
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi everyone, just signed up and hope I have the right sub forum.

    So basically I'm 24y/o male and I think I'm heavily depressed and gay. I managed to come out to my parents about a year ago which I thought would help things but I just feel worse. We haven't spoken about it since and I hate speaking about it. I dread the day someone brings it up, or if another family member mentions it. I just feel incredibly embarrassed about it all and uncomfortable. My parents were absolutely fine and supportive about everything by the way. I couldn't even say the words 'I'm gay', I just get choked up.

    My mother has been urging me to go to the doctors for a while because I'm obviously depressed and need to speak to someone, so I bit the bullet and went today. It was really difficult to do but the doctor wasn't much help. Gave me a number for a counsellor which I rang - turns out I live too far away so they can't help.

    It's just whenever I try to talk about it I get really emotional which makes it more embarrassing, and I end up not saying what I want to say because I physically can't when it comes to it. The doctor asked if I had any urges to self harm (which I have, I've thought about suicide everyday for weeks sometimes) but I told her "no not really" because I couldn't tell the truth without becoming a crying mess.

    So I don't know what to do now. I don't feel comfortable being gay, I don't think I can ever talk about it normally. I feel ok at the moment (hence taking the step to actually see a doctor) but now I feel a bit let down. Alone. I just want to be alone too, as being around other people can be stressful.

    If you've got this far, thanks for taking the time to read it.
     
    #1 black, Apr 18, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2016
  2. confusedbubble

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Leeds
    Hey you aren't alone you have done the hardest step by coming out and also seeking others support.

    Speak to your mum about what happened at the doctors maybe your mum could give you a lift to go see the councilor, have you spoke to someone at Samaritans I notice it says you're from the UK maybe you could give them a call the advisors are really good ( I'll get the number for them and add it further down).
    Don't do anything please we are here help plenty of people have been through or are going through what you are, have you been to an lgbt meet up I know you said you're ashamed but it can help.
    You said you come out to your mum was she OK with it or did she get angry? Try speak to her again if you're OK with doing that explain what you feel like, go back to the doctor maybe ask her to come with you so she could speak to them too.

    Please please don't do anything I'll add the Samaritans website and number in my next message

    ---------- Post added 18th Apr 2016 at 03:35 PM ----------

    Samaritans | Samaritans

    The number is 116 123 it's free and confidential please give them a call

    You can come back here too and I'll try help you the best I can please take my advice it gets easier you've done the main step that I'm still trying to do by coming out to your parent(s) have you any close lgbt friends maybe you could speak to one of them too
     
  3. Fish Eye

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2016
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    Location:
    Philadelphia, PA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    First I wanted to say welcome and glad that you are hear to tell your story as many stories aren't easy to talk about. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time in your life feeling stressed and depressed. It's not healthy being in that kind of position at all. I was like you before when I was young and came out to my folks. It put me in a really uncomfortable spot at that time and wanted to escape by all means. But I just have to deal with it head on and tackle it and always bring my sexuality up just to let them know and that I am serious about myself. Like the other poster, maybe try to talk to your mom about those feelings you hold on to for a while. If they are really supportive of you, they will understand and listen to you whatever it is bothering you. Please be more open and honest about your feelings. Life's too short and hope all is well.