It's pretty long but please bear with me. I am in last year of my college and as we get frustrated in last year a lot because of study load, undetermined future and many more. So when my friend asked me if I would like to get high, I couldn't say no. My other two friends and I went to her room at midnight and we smoked it. We all were different kind of high. My friend who brought the marijuana , she was in control because she always does it but not us. It was my third time. I was just lying down and was in deep thinking and my other friend, she was continuously dancing then after few minutes, she started to come at me(I am seriously not making this up) she was touching my leg and stomach and shoulder. And there was this different feeling I got from it. I have never felt this before(there was some effect of marijuana too ). After few minutes, her face was very close to mine and I thought she was going to kiss me. I was totally wet. I wanted her to kiss me. But my other friend, she saved us by approaching to her and then telling her to go to her room because she was uncontrollable. Then we went back to our room. After coming back to my room also, I wanted to go to her room but I control myself because she is really good friend of mine and thank god I did because next day, she was totally different person. She didn't even say anything about it. And I also ignored it but there is a problem. We were doing dance practice earlier for a program of our college and it was going good but after that day, I started to feel different about her. I want to practice with her but during practice she stays too far from me. It's like she doesn't want to touch me. I don't know is it because she is afraid or something else. And this is the first time I am experiencing it so I have no idea. I am also not lesbian myself because till now I have only fantasized about boys. I have attracted to girls before but not sexually. I have never wanted anyone to kiss me so badly. And she has a boyfriend but he lives in different country. Now I don't know what to do. It's okay if she doesn't want to involve sexually but now there is different tension between us. Or I don't know if it is just me. She is really a good friend and I don't want to lose that.
Do you think she's maybe embarrassed by what happened that night? For whatever reason. Either it was totally out of character for her or maybe she also felt a little something? Maybe you could break the tension between you two by bringing it up, lightheartedly, by saying something like, "Wasn't that some crazy night? I had fun." And kind of brush it off so she knows you don't hold anything against her if that's what she's worried about. It'll show her you weren't offended by her actions and if, by chance, she's now wondering whether she likes girls, you'll have shown her that you don't have a problem with that. I wouldn't mention your feelings for her unless something changes with her relationship status and it becomes clearer that she likes girls.
Couldn't of put it better myself let her know that it's OK and what happened didn't bother you she sounds embarrassed about what happened, maybe she felt something between you two and is processing it but I would do what really said and just break the ice again
@really thanks..it is really helpful. I also think that she is embarrassed but I don't want her to be. The reason behind me not talking to her directly or indirectly is that I also haven't told anyone that I have feeling for girls too. To all of my friend(including her), I am straight. So, I think talking about this will give them doubt about my sexual orientation. And in my country being something else other than straight is big deal so I can't be opened about it. I myself have not clear idea about my sexual orientation yet. I am figuring it out. And also as you mentioned, due to her relationship status too I don't think I should proceed with anything. She is happy with him but recently before that night, she told me that she got a fight with her boyfriend so may be she doesn't like me but she is missing her boyfriend as he is in different country and just experimenting with me. I am sorry I am creating more puzzles but thanks for your advice I might try to talk casually about the night. ---------- Post added 22nd Apr 2016 at 02:16 AM ---------- @confusedbubble Thanks for the understanding.. I wish I could just talk to her about all these things but it is not easy for me because I myself haven't figured it out so I have not opened up to anyone about all these feelings.
