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Issues with self-harm scarring

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by KaySee, Apr 23, 2016.

  1. KaySee

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    Warning: I know from experience that some people can't handle this issue at times. So be careful before reading.

    When I started hurting myself in my mid-teens I knew that I wouldn't be able to do much to my arms. I wore t-shirts all the time. Changing that suddenly would be difficult to do and explain. So, I mostly cut other places. I stopped wearing certain swim suits and other things to hide my scars. I also started wearing clothes that covered more. I am still a bit paranoid in locker and changing rooms.

    To be honest, I usually used unclean objects to hurt myself and mostly only treated cuts by putting bandaids on them. Almost all of my cuts showed obvious scarring after they healed up. Its stupid and crazy, but I feel embarrassed at my oversights in hurting and treating myself physically.

    People think that the few scars on my arms are scratches, accidents, or little imperfections. I am close to another cutter and most people believe that the marks on their forearms are cat scratches. I have known several other people who are nonchalant about their self-harm scars.

    I want this to be clear: I am not ashamed of my scars.

    I could not care less about my scars with other people who are or have hurt themselves. They understand and don't make a big deal out of it. The first time I told and showed another cutter my scars it wasn't a big deal, there was just acceptance and empathy.

    The problem is that I am hesitant and uncertain with other people when it comes to my scars. "Normal" people don't understand and/or stare at me and my scars. I think it reminds me too much of the first few times that people saw the cuts (Mom and then a doctor).

    I want to get past this, but don't know how.
     
    #1 KaySee, Apr 23, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2016
  2. FoxSong

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    Look, people are always going to look at stuff like that and assume x,y,z. Let them. Anyone who matters enough in your life may ultimately know the reasons why and everyone else is irrelevant in this context. I have plenty of cut scars on my left arm - I'm sure people notice but very rarely does anyone ask. If they do, I explain that they relate to a time in my life when I had no other means of coping and that I'm proud to have them. They mean I survived. So don't let other people (particularly people who don't 'get it') define how you feel about this.

    Hugs,
    FoxSong
     
  3. nanobot

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    I found the idea of battle scars very helpful to get over my self-consciousness regarding my scars and non-self-harming people. Also the thought that there are lots of illnesses that can leave scars (like chicken pox or appendicitis or a heart defect) which aren't frowned upon at all.

    I now wear my scars like they're no big deal. They're there. That's it. (I also had a tattoo put over one particular scar cluster because it kept triggering me - the tattoo is just an outline of something because I didn't want to hide/deny those scars, I just needed something to keep me reminded that I'm safe now; it worked wonders)

    I have yet to be asked about my scars outside of a psych ward, so I don't know how robust my confidence actually is, but I guess I'll basically say the same thing that FoxSong mentioned.

    I was very ill for a while, I had to fight hard to stay alive, and some illnesses and fights just leave scars.