This post is about mental health, so I hope it fits this sub-forum. Also, I know how privileged I am to have insurance and access at all. I am non-binary. Sometimes 'agender' fits me as well. So, I am not a woman, and I am also very much NOT a man. However, the mastectomy I desperately need will only be possible - and paid for by my health insurance - if I present myself as a trans man to my psychiatrist, my endocrinologist and my psychotherapist. I only see my psychiatrist every couple of months for about fifteen minutes and, in a way, lying to him isn't so bad because he's an insensitive sexist who told me that I am 'a pretty one', outed his transgender desk person to me and made jokes about one of his patients' choice of name. He disgusts me. Lying squarely to his face actually gives me a feeling of satisfaction. Still... I have to put up with a jerk who I can't stand up to because he has so much power over my life right now (I'm trying to find another specialist but the waiting lists are sooo looong), I have to lie about who I am because officially, people like me don't exist. I have to deny who I am to get what anyone in my situation should be entitled to. I think my endo will not ask too many questions once I got my T letter (yes, although I am not a man I must take T because you can only be trans if you take hormones, apparently; if anyone knows of any resources regarding low-dosing T, I'd love to hear about those), so I don't think I'm going to have to put on an act there. But my psychotherapist? The person I'm going to have to talk to about my gender identity at least once a month for the next year in order to get the letters I need from my jerk psychiatrist? Is there anybody else in this situation that they need something for their transition that they can't get if they don't put on a binary act (or present an unauthentic amount of masculinity/femininity if you're transitioning within the binary) for their healthcare providers? How do you deal with that? How do you mentally prepare for your appointments? What's your self-care regimen for afterwards? Do you have any tips? I'm feeling so lost and nonexistent and dysphoric.
