my friend, K and i met back during college days. it wasn't until we shared a room together that we started getting closer. among our circle friends, K's the cold, blunt, anti-touching, feminist type. during university period, we travelled around europe during our winter break. i noticed that K started playing with my hair? i got a little uncomfortable and i acted a little distant throughout the trip. the whole travelling experience with K was still friendly, hilarious and enjoyable. we've been such good friends for so long! there's no reason to get all weird for something that was unconfirmed. i told a friend about this. she told me maybe K behaved that way with people she is comfortable with.turned out it's true that K doesn't mind personal space that much once she's gotten comfortable with you. but it's pretty obvious she's waaaay too comfortable with me as a friend. throughout our uni life, we found our guy interests but didn't date. fast forward, we are both working adults now. she's moved in with the other 2 friends, whom i happen to know as well. i go to their apartment every weekend. i can't remember if i missed one at all. ah, btw, i had a slight crush on K during college. but the feeling faded when we're at uni stage. what i realised is she only plays my hair mostly when we're alone. she'd touch my arms occasionally. sometimes she'd go "i wish i had your arms" "come, let me harass you for a bit" "wow, muscles". note: i work out a little. there was once when she touched my thigh too? the touching thing is only when it's just us though. awhile back, she started saying "i'll miss you" whenever i leave, even when our other friends were around. recently i noticed her tone when she says it has been softer and maybe I'm reading too much into the lines? i sense longingness? she also says "i love you" but always in the joking manner. well, i think anyway. of course i reply in the jk/i-couldnt-care-less/badass(i try HAHA) manner, but i do mean it. the feelings are reignited since K came back and we started hanging out a lot more. her personality has grown stronger and more matured and that's so fucking attractive. actually, in the beginning she said "love you" after she's done some shit. she knows i have a soft spot for her. now, she adds "i". i secretly have an internal meltdown whenever she tell me she loves me and will miss me (even if she means them in the most platonic way T_T) we flirt a lot in texts, verbal conversations etc. we also bicker like old couples, according to my friends and even college lecturers. last week, on our way to dinner, she started playing with (pulling softly) my hair again. i told her to stop else i would be losing all my hair by my late 20s -.- i grabbed her hand and didn't let go. i offered her a deal which was to promise not to play with my hair for her hand's freedom. she made no attempt so i held her hand almost the whole car trip to dinner location. know what a stubborn and prideful human K is, i knew she wouldn't accept the offer. thats exactly my intention. 2 weekends ago K was telling me how she's just comparing other guys to her uni crush these days and how far those guys are from the bar her uni crush has set. I'm pretty sure i have feelings for K but for some reason i wasn't jealous at all? weird. I'm pretty sure she laughs and smiles way more when she's around me. K has this uptight, reserved, serious, somber and unapproachable demeanour. yep, she does and i love to mess with her so much because of those traits of hers. I've been calling her babe/baby recently. she responded to it but nvr commented on my choice of words. I'm confused what is this between us right now. is this kind of friendship platonic? would platonic friends still flirt even when there is no audience? telling each other "i love you" "i'll miss you"? letting me hold her hand in the car despite having the chance to accept my offer and have her hand freed? NOTE: i didn't write this thread to seek for advice whether my friend likes me/attracted to me/whatnot. seriously, if one really want to know, ask. I'm typing this out simply to find an outlet for my emotions and thoughts. let me know yours too! Cheers, WV
