A couple of years ago my depression was really bad. But then it got better as I changed my view on life. However in recent months it's gotten bad again. I currently on a work placement that is boring. It's a year long and I have been on it for 9 months. Which is getting me down. I also hate the way I look. I'm fat and ugly. I have no chance of ever finding anyone. When I feel better I tend to think I look ok. But when I'm down like this I think I'm really ugly. I don't know which perspective is correct. I then eat some crap to make myself feel better but it does the opposite. I just end up thinking "look at me eating take aways like a fat ass". Does anyone have any advice?
First, you're likely more correct when you are doing well. Assuming you aren't manic. Alright, so you aren't ugly. If you don't like your weight, eat different things. Hi fit the really really dark chocolate, like 85% plus. Chocolate helps me kick depression episodes. And it's a treat. It actually releases a feel-good hormone. Oxytosin or ceratonin. Don't remember which. Some really like a bit chubby. Look at the thread about the guys attractiveness I put up. Several like bigger. You could try just walking a bit. Thats easy and can help.
I have a friend who says hes fat even though hes perfectly normal shape. Not everyone are 8-pack ripped like in the movies and its ok, SOME of us (points at me) like guys who do not look artificially created by a machine ... You are *not* fat, and looks nice (according to that photo on your profile assuming its u), so believe me u'll find a bf with no problem
^^This OP, I come from the place where you are. And I'm still kind of chubby, too, although it doesn't get me down as much as it used to. But in the past, for long periods of time, I had severe clinical depression and I know how it colors our perceptions in a way that makes things worse. gryf is right on, though. I have hooked up with younger, muscular guys in their 30's (quite a bit younger than me), who dig bigger, older guys (they have a "daddy" complex usually). Before this happened to me the first time, I thought us bigger guys were just the dating game's losers. I never dreamed that a "buff" guy would want somebody who was chubby. When I discovered this, it blew my mind. At first I thought it was a complete aberration. Now, I know better. Aside from that, I understand how, in your mind, you feel like a failure because you don't want to be this way. Please try to find a way to take some small steps.
Unfortunately, there is a cyclical aspect to depression and it can return. Was there anything specific that helped you to overcome the previous bout of depression? What was it that helped you to gain a better perspective on life? You seem to have lost touch with whatever it was that helped you then, so it might be worth thinking about retracing those steps. Unfortunately depression leads some people towards comfort eating, with the resulting weight gain... which leads to further despondency and a vicious circle, so I think the key thing is to look at the causative factors for the depression and work on them. I'm afraid there are no quick fixes for depression and it always requires a degree of effort and self work to overcome the dark feelings. It's not easy when motivation is low, but if you have done it in the past it's clearly within you to do it again. Results don't come quickly, but perseverance will get you there.
