G"day , some of you may remember some of my posts from last year. I wasn't at a really good place, still not the best but have had my ups and downs. more ups lately but a couple thoughts of suicide at the end of the year.:tantrum: I have made pretty good progress the last few months, not as much self harming but it still happens from time to time. my worse is the last few days I've been off my anti depression pills cause I have put on some weight,and which the doc said would happen but I hate myself for this :bang: but also felt I've been rattling with all these darn pill I'm on for other things.. sometimes I get so sick of myself and my thoughts and such and even though I've been working with my counselor about this and trying to change my thoughts, but sometimes I still cant catch myself , each step at a time I guess... Also been having some shocking nightmares , some with family members others with just things I cant really compute.... still doing my business studies course, and my band and radio show, trying to keep active. its the down time I hate...:***: any way, guess I'm getting things off my chest here.. oh I dearly dearly wish I could hug some one once in a while, nothing sexual but just like the hugs &&&) my mother used to give me when I was a kid, never got hugs from my father...... tonight I spent a fair time in the shower , and finally got myself to the end result, which haven't had much luck with too cause of my tablets... but after I spent time in the shower ,on the floor ashamed of myself ,hating myself and living on my own my whole life.. is this what they call mood swings? some days I'm ok but this week have almost been back to my old self ...:tears: guess I better stop my ranting ... thanks for listening(
Sounds just like depression and if your off your anti deppresants your mind can't compute with the different signals from the fading medical and the depresstion so it will seem like mood swings but it's just your bad prossesing
I am thinking about going back on them, will talk with my doc as it just happened in between visits... I feel like my head is bouncing or something some times , not all the time but just some times... I'm doing my darnedest not to hurt myself,let things get on top of me .
I am not sure if an electonic hug would help, but here is one for you, (*hug*) I am not an expert in these things, by any stretch of the imagination, but you are a person of worth and value, and if you are ill, it is not your fault. No man is an island or a rock, so seek help, wherever you can find it. Please do not hurt yourself, try to find some joy in any tiny thing, and hold onto that. You are allowed to be annoyed with yourself, but do not judge yourself too harshly, we are our own worst critics. It is not your fault. You are not to blame. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are who you are and you are where you are and that is that. But you matter and there are people that care about you and what happens to you. And you can cope with this, and with some help you will get through it, whatever it is. Best wishes, xxx
thanks bleedingheart, I've been trying really hard focusing on my band and my radio show etc its in the down time that I have the trouble with also some times I'd like to turn my head off at night but cant and thats when I've hurt myself.. I haven't been too bad the last 6 months since I've been on the meds .. did lose my sex drive alot but the last fortnight offf ,I've been a lot hornier? and can masturbte more and orgasm , which I hardly did when on the tablets. but I think I'd rather be on the tablets then not..dunno.. thanks for the hug(&&&)
