Ok so its been about 4-5 years since started questioning my sexuality and decided that i was bisexual and im suffering from depression, anxiety, loneliness with a hint of urges. I don't really have any friends unless you count my friends on psn but i wouldn't because their not really around like a classmate or a neighbor would be. I dont really go to a normal school cause of countless transfers due to severe bullying issues so i cant make friends at school and since i live in the county theres nobody out here i can chill with either. Then theres my "urges" that keep bugging me, ever since i turned 16-17 its like i cant shake the urge to be touched "if you know what i mean" or just a hug would be nice too. Im also scared to talk to other people my age because i might freak them out or i might find them attractive and get urges again. its been awhile since i been in a social environment and these feelings are kinda new to me, the only time i feel accepted is when im online playing with the budds i been friends with for monthsnow but something still feels missing...:bang:
I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. It's okay to feel this way, but life is always changing and you're always growing even if you don't know it. Sorry if that sounded cheesy, but it's really true. First of all, having sexual feelings and urges is completely natural and healthy, not something to try to bottle up and hide. Obviously, be safe and respectful of others always but otherwise it's okay to have these feelings. Having the thought that you shouldn't meet others because you may get those feelings around them isn't a good way of thinking. Again, this is all completely natural for most everyone. And sometimes seeing/being around people you find attractive can make you feel those feelings and that can be a good thing! You'll be smart about things, and worrying and isolating is just making you think that you'll do something wrong or think the wrong things with sexual feelings around people. Social isolation, although it may feel natural and safe sometimes, isn't good for your mental health. Even when depression makes you feel like you should just stay alone, listening to that is only making it worse. Being bullied is not fair and I'm sorry you've gone through that, but not everybody will think you're weird or be ignorant and that's something you can only see by talking to some people more, being around people, even just listening. I would suggest trying to make small talk with people, make some acquaintances, slowly. You don't have to dive into things but really it can help a lot. I find when I feel like that, like just being alone and afraid to talk to people, it's best to do small things: go out of your way to pick something up that someone drops, ask a person how they're doing or about a class, or about a homework problem, just say good morning, give someone a smile as you walk past them. I find once I practice with little things more, once I feel more boosted up it's easier to do those things even more. I hope this helps. Remember, you are a completely valid and worthy human being. Best wishes <3
