Recently I went on a trip with friends, including a senior girl I've had a crush on for like 8 months now. Okay, not just a crush-- she's my everything. I would say I love her, if that's what this is. I honestly have no idea. Anyway, some things happened, and I ended up telling her how I felt two days before we came home. She seemed to be cool about it, and has told me on two separate occasions that we're good. But things are really awkward right now, and I'm getting the feeling that she wants me to stay away. Which is hard, because I can't stop thinking about her, plus I'm in class with her so I kinda have to see her... And there's another problem. After we got home I broke up with my boyfriend of two years. I'd been contemplating it for a while, because my feelings for him kinda died a while ago-- he's a great guy, and a great friend, but that's all I saw him as, was a friend. So now I'm feeling guilty because I totally broke his heart and even though he acts like he's okay, he no longer wants anything to do with me. So my life is kinda like a living hell right now. I miss this girl, and I just want to be her friend again. I want things to go back to the way they were before this whole mess. And I miss my ex-boyfriend, too-- I miss his friendship. I just feel like I don't have anyone to turn to. Should I try to talk to my ex again, rekindle the friendship I so desperately want back? And what about this girl? I miss her so badly it hurts me every moment of every day. What if I never feel this way about anyone again? I just... don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. I've kinda hit rock bottom, and then rock bottom fell out and now I'm just flying through an endless, lonely, bottomless pit... I've never been this depressed in my entire life. And it REALLY sucks. What do I do?
No, you should give your ex the space he needs to heal. It's a selfish move to hit him up because you're lonely (even though I totally understand why you want to). Write him a letter, telling him how much his friendship means and that you're going to give him all the space he needs, but hope that you can be friends again when he's ready. Let him know that door is always open. But then leave him alone to do his own thing, knowing that it's a good chance you'll never have him back in your life. As far as the crush is concerned, also keep your distance. Be friendly and let her know very quickly that you want to be friends (only if you mean it because I'm totally fucking up with my crush right now). Save yourself the grief. Get a hobby, meet new people, work out, do whatever you need to do in order to build yourself up. You don't want to be holding onto others because you can't sit with yourself. Learn more about you in this time you have to be single. Start trying to give yourself some of the love you're seeking. Focus on your studies, etc, etc.
