Just found a flower a yellow flower now i dont feel like im real anymore just want to be a flower nothiv more pritty in the sun rotting i the rain and when im put into a vase im i pain a pritty little flower look and see all i want is to die peacefully. I just cant see myself in a relationship i want to crawl awway and cry i cant seem to get attached to pepole in my life and i dont like to cuz i dont want to have to do anything im a selfish deva and all i think about is sex and i hate myself and even when i do like someone i just get clingy and i feel oversensitive i cant even face the fact that i have never be around anyone or had a healthy relationship i so dont want to be feeling like this im only 20 and the most of a relations ship or frendship ive ever had is through a screen i so dont have a hatred of pepole but i just cant deal with the pressure i feel lol i just want to go back to useing drugs.
So many things I can relate to in my past. I understand the selfishness that comes with an addiction. We think about ourselves and the things our bodies need and the love our hearts need even though other people or things cannot supply that. Healthy relationships are difficult to have with addiction, the most important thing is to help heal the addiction. Healing the addiction not only gets rid of the substances and the effects of them, it also helps you grow. Once you begin to grow and your eyes are open you will see all of this. Then you can release the need for control, addicts struggle with this a lot. This takes time and you will make mistakes a lot in the beginning. Releasing can be difficult to do. We used substances to numb the pain or help us release our pain. Now we have to feel the pain and release it without any substances. When you are healthy then you will contribute to a healthy relationship.(*hug*)
