So, finally (with the support of a friend) I managed to arrange a counselling meeting. I don't know what to expect, and am unsure of the type of things I should say, and of what type of questions she will ask. She's gone through some sort of training, but isn't exactly a counsellor counsellor- if that makes sense. I mainly want to focus on my presumed anxiety, the passing of my Grandad and my gender. But in all honestly I'm lost, will she take control of the session and ask questions? Or will I be expected to be the one in control? Honestly I'm hoping the former. Thanks guys.
You should expect some questions to establish the nature of your problems and worries and to explore your feelings, but the counsellor is not there to "take control" of the session -- quite the reverse, in fact. If the counsellor is doing all of the talking, something is wrong. Counselling isn't easy, so be under no illusions about that. It does require a fair bit of self work, effort and honesty if you are to get anything out of it, but if you are prepared for all of that and you don't go into it expecting a quick or easy fix, you can get a lot out of it.
She changed the meeting to earlier today, something I was truly unprepared for. I'm finding it hard to explain why I'm there, though, and while actually going to the session is an achievement, I was shaking all the way through. She told me that adults are just grown up kids, and that she held no authority over me, but it's hard to find that frame of mind. Somehow she managed to get onto the topic of whether anything was happening around me, and I ended up telling her about my Grandad. I don't like this, but I know it must be done.
I can understand why you might be unprepared. I never do well with quick schedule changes either. Going to the session is a huge achievement, you did fantastic! I think what she meant when she said that she has no authority over you is that if you tell her something and she gives you advice that you maybe don't agree with, you don't have to follow it. It's just advice and anything you choose to do is up to you in the end. Over time you may come to find counseling as somewhere to let out your fears, your questions, and your concerns. When I first started counseling I was so confused and unsure and shaky. My therapist came to be my best friend. She was the first one who made me consider that I was trans and asexual. It will take time, you have to understand that. Your therapist has to develop a baseline for you and understand where you're coming from before she can start to guide you with advice and support. The best thing that you can do is to stick with it for now. Ten sessions from now, if you still feel uncomfortable, maybe look for another therapist but remember that as you're getting used to her, she's getting used to you too and will need some time before she knows exactly what to say to make you feel better. Another thing I've learned is to talk. Talk a lot. About everything, about nothing. Just let everything out because your therapist is the one person who won't judge you for your thoughts. They are there because they want to help. So tell them whatever is on your mind. Its perfectly ok to be shaky, to cry, or scream but just let it all out because holding it in will help no one, least of all yourself. I hope I helped a little and I hope that you keep going back because therapy is an amazing thing that is there to help people like us. Stay with it and remember we are all here for you on EC.
She needs to win your trust first. You're not expected to reveal everything in the first session. How do you feel about her as a therapist? A therapist won't give you solutions but she can help you to understand yourself better, which can lead to lightbulb moments, and she can ask great prompts. But as someone else said it's hard work. If she gives you any Cognitive Behavioural Therapy homework, then you've got to put the work in, or it's no use.
I agree that you should make sure that the therapist is a good fit for you, don't reveal too much information that you don't want to share. Its usually a 2 way street they need to feel comfortable helping you through your issues and you need to be able to trust them. I received counseling for almost 3 years after my breakup with my first BF that lead to sexual assault, and it was really about what you wanted to make of it and what you need to work on. If you feel you don't trust the person they put you with you can always ask for a new one.
