:icon_sad: Hello I am new to this site and I am an older Mother with a gay Son. I am so sorry for my Son right now. He has been in a relationship with a gentleman now for about 8 or more years. They have both been very happy and are hoping to be able to get married in a couple weeks. They would have done so earlier but with all the crap that was going around regarding same sex marriages they had to hold off as it was not legal in the state in which they live. Anyhow, that is not the problem. The BIGGIE problem is that last summer my Son's partner was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He is terminal and is on Hospice care as of now and none of his doctors can give him a prognosis on how long he has left. This whole thing came right out of left field for all of us . My Son is devastated as are most of the rest of us. I am 65 years old and my Son will turn 40 the end of June. His partner is 50. The thing is that I want to help my Son cope with this as much as reasonably possible. Right now he is talking around in all kinds of circles. He is the primary caregiver plus he works, cooks, cleans takes care of the yard work (they have a huge house) plus running and doing whatever he can for his love. I am travelling to be there for the wedding and he asked me to stay over for a few extra days. I am so worried about him. He has said things like he doesn't think he will be able to handle this or get over it. This man is the love of his life. He also has a history of depression (runs in the family) and right now I think he is just clinging to the edge of sanity. He has seen this kind of thing with me as I cared for his Grandmother in similar circumstances but he has never lost anyone really this close to him. I have been hunting and hunting trying to find some kind of self help books he could consult to help him understand that what he is feeling (altho very sad and unfortunate) is normal Also things he can expect to have to deal with especially afterward. And some words of encouragement for the future. I love both of these guys so very much and I wish everyday that it could be me he will be losing instead of the love of his life. If anyone here has some ideas of titles I could look for (any information on gay relationships is almost nil to be found) I would appreciate your getting back to me with that info. I apologize if my first post is more like a rant but I wanted you all to know the situation we are dealing with. Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any help you can suggest.
Hello there! Sorry your first post comes under such sad circumstances, but glad you found your way here. I'm not familiar with literature on gay grieving and losing a partner, but several books and blogs turn up upon a google search - I would suggest looking through some yourself, and, since you know your son best here, you'll probably have a sense of what would be helpful for him and what wouldn't be. Aside from that, though, it's good to hear that his partner is in hospice, and wonderful to hear that they'll be able to get married soon. I'm sure that will mean so much to both of them, and a lot to your son in moving forward. It's also fantastic that he has such great support in you, his mother. I think for now, it's probably a really difficult time for him, and one day at a time is likely the best thing. As a general rule, the more people he has around him supporting him, the better, and perhaps there are groups he could contact where he and his partner live, both for now and for the future. But it sounds like all the right steps are being taken.
