Self hate dysphoria and lonliness after crushing news

I posted about this in a venting thread simply because I saw a place to vent, but I think it's more appropriate to ask for help here.

So let's start from the beginning.

I was raped back in May 2015 and suffer greatly because of it. At the start though, I was in a complete state of shock. I filled my life with sex for a few months to make up for what had happened, and because of that, screw-ups were made. Said screw-up caused a pregnancy scare that at the time was simply that: a scare...

That was until Tuesday: 9 months later.

My ex girlfriend came to me angry with me because I'd broken up with her and found someone else quickly, so she decided to drop the bomb on me. She tells my boyfriend who tells me (she didn't even tell it to me directly) that she was infact pregnant after the incident, and that after I left her for 6 months, she resorted to cocaine and heroin. This caused a miscarriage at 5 months; 2 weeks before I came back.

The reason I'm Trans is because ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to be a mom. I always wanted kids of my own. I thought that I'd hate myself though if I were to biologically father a child, but I came to that realization too late, as I am now 9months on HRT. Now I will never have a biological child unless some miracle comes along. With that in mind, learning that my last chace, reguardless of tha fact that I'm 17, was ruined because my ex girlfriend decided to do hard drugs, crushed me. I would do anything to have that chance back, to see my son at least once. I'm doing everything I can to remember the boy I never got to see and will never see again. He will haunt my dreams and remind me that my one goal in life is a failure and that I lost it all to someone else's poor judgement.

Then everything went to hell. My boyfriend left me because of it, all of my friends I told minus 1 of them left me because of it. I have nobody now.

I just need help and support. Thank you.