I think I might be bipolar- how do I get help?

I realized that I accidentally posted this in the wrong thread (but let's not talk about that... *facepalm*) so I'm reposting I guess.

I’ve been under a lot of emotional distress lately…

I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder when I was about 10 years old, almost 7 years ago. I get episodes of really severe depression and anxiety. For days to weeks to months on end, all I can think about is how much I hate myself and want to die. Sometimes I feel extremely, unexplainably angry at myself and everyone and everything around me. I lash out at people. I cry a lot. Sometimes I even turn to self harm. Other times I feel nothing: completely physically and emotionally drained. I always blamed these symptoms on Major Depressive Disorder.

But this year I’m in AP Psychology, and as we began studying mental illnesses and mood disorders, I realized that this diagnosis was most likely very, very wrong.

My depression occurs in episodes. It lasts for a while until I feel like I am literally going to break, and then it goes away. I feel normal. Happy. Sometimes elated, even, and I doubt whether I really had any depression at all. This doesn’t line up at all with clinical depression, but instead more with the symptoms of bipolar disorder.

I didn’t know much about bipolar disorder prior to studying it in class. I didn’t know anything about what mania/hypomania entailed. But as soon as we began studying it… I got this instant eerie feeling of “Oh shit…. that’s me.” All these things that I had for so long considered “personality quirks” or just me being weird suddenly seemed to have an explanation. Pieces began to come together.

I like writing poetry. Usually, this is just a casual hobby that I indulge in only when I have the time or I’m hit with sudden inspiration. But I get these periods of feeling so creatively driven that literally all I can think about is poetry. I can’t pay attention in class- I just wrote 3 poems and I have ideas for at least 3 more. Sorry, what did you say? I was just thinking about an idea for another poem, how does this sound?

Or I’ll get these completely random, irrational ideas out of nowhere. I’ll decide I’m going to be YouTube famous- I’ll make so much money I won’t even have to go to college and get a real job! I’ll have so many subscribers. I can’t wait to inspire so many people! So I’ll ask for a (very expensive) video camera for my birthday (that I still haven’t touched) even though I’m really a very introverted person and don’t know the first thing about editing videos. Or I’ll decide I’m going to be a tennis player and go out and buy a full set of fucking tennis gear: the racket, the balls, the outfit- even though I hate sports and literally don’t even know how to play tennis.

I go weeks of having no energy, I don’t want to do anything except sleep.

I go days where I have so much energy that I can actually feel it radiating from my body and I absolutely have to get up and dance around right now, everything is funny and everyone is my friend.

I get really bad anxiety sometimes, too. Sometimes when I’m home alone I become so convinced that someone is either in my house or going to break in that I will lock myself in a room for hours until my mom gets home, because if I open the door or leave for any reason someone will come and kill me. Or I’ll stay up all night because the demons hiding in my apartment will get me if I fall asleep.

I talked to my doctor, who said that I exhibit a lot of red flags for bipolar disorder and recommended that I see a psychiatrist because if left untreated, especially as I go off on my own for college, things could become very bad very quickly.

The problem is… even though I’ve done my research and have talked to an actual medical professional… My parents don’t take this seriously.

They tell me to stop being “silly.”

They tell me that I have “mood swings” because I’m just a “hormonal teenager.”

When it comes to my depression and anxiety, that have on extremely bad occasions left me a complete wreck and unable to properly function both at home and at school, they tell me I’m being “overly dramatic.”

My mom has literally had to physically stop me from harming myself once because I guess I was being “overly dramatic.”

I am actually terrified at this point. I don’t know if I can trust myself. When I’m gone I’m gone, I can’t think rationally and I’ve planned out my suicide down to every last detail on more than one occasion. Someday I might actually do it. Or on the opposite side, I spontaneously come up with crazy ideas about my future that I actually think are good ideas and I’m scared that one day I might fuck up really badly.

I can’t do this on my own. I need help. I need to see a psychiatrist, and I possibly might even need medication. But my parents won’t take me to a psychiatrist because they refuse to believe there’s anything wrong with me.

Sorry this is so long, I just... need advice and need to get this off my chest.