I don't know if this is really a question - it's something that feels weird to me and that I've been thinking about a bit. I've always known that I want to get married and have kids. I guess it's something that society makes a lot of people want, including me. I'm bisexual and at the moment I don't think I have a preference for any gender. So I can see myself finding the perfect man or the perfect woman and spending the rest of my life with that person. What's weird is that it seems like my life can go two ways (assuming that I DO find the right person - let's be optimistic :icon_bigg). I can either find a man and just "get" all the heteronormative privileges that are floating around out there. For example, I live in a country where same sex marriage is not really a thing (it's a bit complicated), but if I want to marry a man, I can. If, on the other hand, I fall deeply in love with a woman and we wanted to build a life together, it would all be a bit more complicated. Do you see what I mean? It's so absurd that the gender of the person I fall in love with will determine whether I get ALL the hetero privileges, or none. I feel like when you're either gay or hetero, and you want to get married and have kids one day, you kind of already know what route you're taking. So if I was straight I would know that I would want to marry a man, and if I was a lesbian, I would know that I would want to marry a woman. But since I'm bi I don't know what gender my future partner will have and it's confusing. Maybe I shouldn't think about this too much, but I'm interested in what other people think about this. I mean, obviously, I don't even know if I'll find the right person to marry at all, but that's a whole other story...
Hey, Yeah this is totally my problem, the biggest challenge about coming out and accepting being bi (leaning to straight a little) has been, which side do I pursue? I'm fortunate to live in a country/community that is very accepting of LGBT for the most part, still working on the marriage part. I'm always worrying/conflicted what I should do, with more choice goes more uncertainty. And I feel like I have to pick a side before I start dating people which seems silly. But when I met my ex BF, it was love at first sight so I'm confident these things will figure themselves out regardless of worrying. So for simplicities sake, I'm thinking about dating more girls than guys. Having said that, the two options are different slightly. For example I knew almost exactly what my BF was thinking, I could almost always finish his sentences. I don't know if I could have such a close/the same kind of connection with a girl, as I have yet to get that far with a girl, but when I meet the right one, we shall see. I'm less worried about children atm, like I would like to have kids either way. I would be happy with using a surrogate and it will be interesting to see where science gets to in the future with stem cells and stuff.
I'm the same way Mariana. I can definitely see myself ending up with a man or woman for the long haul. I kinda obsessed over which I wanted more for a while, who I wanted to date more. A straight friend gave me some very simple, great advice: Don't worry about it, see what happens. So I did. That was two weeks ago. I already have a date with a cute guy tomorrow night, and you know what? I don't care that it's a "gay" date(I did at first, I was excited about getting my feet wet), I have a date. That's really all that matters. So don't worry about it, you'll be happy either way.
Thanks for your replies! I've been on a few dates with a woman I like and I don't really care what people think about that. I'm not really worried about dating a woman, it's more that the future is so uncertain. It's so hard to explain. Even though I know that things would be easier if I married a man, I don't prefer that option over being with a woman. I have no preference, and I wouldn't say "I'll date more guys and hope I find the right one so that it's a bit easier". That's just not how my brain works. I can understand if other people want to do that, but I can't. I have zero control over who I fall for so I'm not even going to try to direct it. I guess I worry too much about the future. My parents don't help, they like to drop the occasional "I want grandchildren... and not in ten years" comment. They don't even know that I'm bi. Oh, the stress!
This subject is definitely something that goes through the back of my mind from time to time, but I make a conscious effort not to allow the possible downsides of ending up in a same-sex marriage/partnership influence who I am with. (I am currently dating a guy) I figure as long as I am with someone who I love and enjoy being around, that's most important. I figure if the place that I live in stops me and the person who I decide to be with from doing the things we want to do, we can move somewhere else. I spent way too much time when I was younger living a life for others happiness and I am going to do what makes me happy... As when this life is all said and done, it is about the time spent with people you care about and the experiences you have, not constantly worrying about what could happen and trying to treat life as strategic board game just trying to get the most advantages.
I can relate to this. It's also difficult for me because I feel romantically attracted to both men and women but only sexually attracted to females, so sometimes I wonder if this is something I'll grow out of or a preference that will mess up any relationships I have with men. The good news is that gay marriage is becoming more accepted and normal in many countries, so perhaps in some years time it will not be as complicated or taboo to be a homosexual couple as to be a heterosexual couple. I hope that time will come because I want to have that option, but in the meantime, all I can say is just love who you want to love and do what you can to make it happy and lasting.
