So, in my last post, I talked about Adam and why we aren't together any more (which is entirely my fault, even taking into account the fact that neither of our parents could know we were together, and that I couldn't tell anyone we were together unless I asked him, and that I didn't want to start any beef with anyone at the studio.) Even 4 and a half months after it happened, and I've now cut Adam off because he was constantly screwing me around, and almost every time we spoke, it was about James at some point, and that to me seems like neither me or Adam truly got over him (I feel like the fact that James had an emotional affair behind my back with Adam makes the guilt even worse, I feel like a hypocrite sometimes and I hate that about myself, on top of the fact I have had to see him every day at school for the last year), and I apologised even when I did cut him off, because the guilt and the fact that I loved him was why I stuck around, and if I knew that I had done everything I could to make thing right again and Adam still wanted nothing to do with me, I could be content, and even after I was told to let him go, I still tried to give him as much space as he needed (he said he didn't want to talk to me a few weeks after it happened, which I understood, and it was hard for me not to talk to him, but I got through it, and I'm proud of myself for that, and I'm also proud of myself for owning up to a teacher about it, and they'd told me to stop beating myself up about it, and even 4 months later, it still haunts me) because even if we were never together again, I needed to know that he could trust me again. I got a letter from some counsellors for the case (if the man who I sent pictures to tries to contact me, I'm within my rights to call the police, even though I'm 16 now and this happened when I was 15) saying that they would like to talk to me soon, and it just reminded me that this nightmare hasn't gone away yet, and all I've done today is cry and cry about something I tried to fix, and even cutting Adam off was hard, because I still felt like I was bound to him, or I owed him something. Has anyone else ever felt like this, and if so how did you deal with it?
I know how you feel, but I too am searching for the answer. Me and my BF were technically never a thing, we never went out or even kissed (this lack of closure really heart) and 2 weeks after coming out to each other and for me it was love at first sight, he came out again as straight. I was devastated and have been grieving over it for months. The other day I was having a hard time with depression and screwed up bad in a maths test (I'm usually really good at maths, I've never screwed up this bad). This failure reminded me of my failed relationship and I was crying for hours. I'm not feminine, nor do I usually ever cry. Love can hurt sometimes. I still can't let go.
