Hi everyone! I just joined the forum and was wondering if anyone could offer some advice. I had been questioning my sexuality for at least five years (but probably even longer), and have recently finally accepted myself as bisexual. It was a difficult journey and I had to overcome a lot of internalized biphobia and heteronormative societal pressure, but a few months ago I finally managed to come out to myself and am comfortable identifying as bisexual (and happy to have finally managed to realize it and come out to myself :icon_bigg). However, after so many years of being exposed to these biphobic and heteronormative discourses, I'm having a difficult time learning to love myself as I am and to be proud of my identity. Watching advice and experience videos by other bisexuals on YouTube has been helpful, as well as finding bisexual public figures to look up to. I was wondering if anyone could offer any advice or ways that helped them to learn to overcome these negative views from society and love themselves. Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
Well, the way I look at it is that the people out there that are against us don't really matter in the grand scheme of things, especially their opinion or the way that they feel in regard our sexuality since they are flat out wrong and ignorant. It's important that we love and care for ourselves because at the end of the day, ourself is all we have. In this life we have to do what makes us happy and not to live just to please others(that can be in terms of many things). We're all unique individuals and it's a good thing to embrace our differences since the world would be a pretty boring place if we were all the same. There will always be hateful and bigoted people out there, but they have no power over us if we don't give it to them.
Okay, I feel I' a great authority on this subject since I'm very LGBTQ and very knowledgeable about self-hatred. So... I don't know if you get the same, but... Whenever I first think "Oh, I think I'm pretty good at X", for example, necessarily further, more negative thoughts must follow, like "Yeah, but globally speaking you're not good at all", "You're not really all that good", etc. So what I kind of try to do is to just focus on what makes me good, focus on features of myself that I want to have and that I've satisfied with. Like, right now I can sing sort of okay in a 'female'/feminine voice, but there's some problem, not with reaching higher notes, but with some other stuff; but instead of focus on my flaws, I'll instead try to focus on that my 'male'/more masculine singing is going pretty well, I think. So it's all about learning to look at the bright side of yourself. What might help to get there is to think about all you can gain by it; you can be happier, so that people around you will be very glad to see that; you can be more confident and not give in to biphobia or whatever dirt people throw at you, etc. Hope that helps. ^_^
When we hear negative comments about the LGBT community we tend to magnify them in our own minds and fall into the trap of believing that lots and lots of people are homophobic or biphobic. In actual fact, the reverse is true, because the majority of people are accepting and tolerant, or otherwise disinterested in what we do in bed. The people who get themselves in a state about our sexual orientation are not mainstream, and once we realise and accept that as a fact we can begin to move forward. Learning to love ourselves is important, but before we can do that we need to learn to be "okay" with ourselves and then aim for contentment. Maybe for now, you should try to reach a place where you are just comfortable in your own skin, and then focus on what more you can do to reach that higher state of happiness. Posting this thread and asking for advice and support is a good start, because it helps to receive positive feedback and encouragement and I hope you will stick around and post more and participate, because if you are more active within the LGBT community you will feel a greater connection to your sexual identity. For the most part we are a decent bunch on EC and we like to help. Finally, look at your achievements, and when you make progress write it down and keep it where you can see it. It's very easy to lose sight of where we have come from in life. For example, this is your first post on EC and that's an achievement in itself. If you look back a few months you might not have even been comfortable enough with yourself to join a forum for LGBT people. Keep track of things like this and look back on them often so you can map your progress. You are doing well and now you have joined and posted you have a whole community of positive and friendly people to talk to and lean on.
I struggle a lot in this area, and was recommended something called self-compassion which has helped. Not specifically lgbt related but its about loving yourself. In society there is so much pressure to be great or above average at everything, when that's not logically possible, many of us must be average or below average at some things. If you write down 5 things you're above average at, 5 you are average at and 5 below average at- that profile is how things should be and is completely normal, natural and good.
