1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Bleh

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by CondoAnorLondo, May 27, 2016.

  1. CondoAnorLondo

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2016
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I know I'm just a new member and everything, but I don't have anyone to talk to this about. A few weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend that made me realize no one will ever love me and that I'm going to die alone. It's hit me pretty hard and everyone I talk to about it tells me I'm too young to make such prediction, but I cannot get over the notion that I seriously have no above average qualities. This might be me being discouraged since I've had like 5 relationships in a row run into the ground because of my own fucked up issues, but it's seriously bothering me and on top of that I already have depression so this makes me not want to go on even more. I find that there's no point in anything since I will never feel validated as a human being to anyone ever again. I don't know if there was any point in posting this but I've already talked to my closest friends about it and they all give me cliche responses.
     
  2. A Seraphim Moon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2016
    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Johnson City, TN USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Validation achieved. I am responding to your post am I not? We never see in ourselves what others see. It just doesn't happen. So, even though you are feeling that way... Hun, deep down you know the truth. It's not going to be that way.

    Yes, being validated without cliches is difficult for a person to achieve. Do you know why? I think you do, because those people to whom you have spoken to. They don't know what it's like to be you, let alone to feel the way you do, so they can only responded with second hand and borrowed information. Most likely googled and wrote the first topic posted at the top of the page. ~_^

    It's not their fault. Yes, maybe they should be more understanding. But, that's harder to do than it sounds. What with all the new apps and what not that 'EVERYONE' has that give them the validation they need to be considered human. They are up to date with the new trend, they are validated. It may not be the case with everyone of your friends. But, either way... If they have never felt the way you do, then they will never understand.

    I'm single. I've been in your shoes. Messed up relationships. I thought the same thing. But, you know... Oddly, I am not dying alone if I have at least one friend show up. So, look at it that way. Relationships sure help with the loneliness aspect that comes without physical contact with someone to whom you are with. But, you can have a semblance of that just by having close companionship's with your friends.

    I know it isn't all always the same and it's a lame substitute to having something 'real' with a person you are dating. But, choose that path for the moment. If you have issue's you feel need work or resolved before you can achieve a lasting relationship to avoid loneliness and a void in death, well... One small step at a time. Find one thing about yourself that has been a direct result in the ruination of a relationship, study. Find out if it truly was your fault alone. If it was, then find a way to compromise even with your own self to find a way to resolve and fix the issue!
     
    #2 A Seraphim Moon, May 27, 2016
    Last edited: May 27, 2016
  3. Argentwing

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2012
    Messages:
    6,696
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You're not the only one to feel this way. There's a good chance there are people who look to you, hope to gain your approval/admiration, and feel they aren't good enough to deserve it.

    As for being in five relationships, that's not really out of line either. Romance in fiction is not a good baseline to judge your real life success, and you aren't guaranteed a happily-ever-after with a Disney-perfect person on the first try.

    Your friends might give you weak responses because they haven't gotten to the point where they see past that either. I'm still pretty young (at least from what older adults tell me) and can already see the difference that seven years removed from being a teenager gets you. Some things get a lot harder, but some things get a lot easier after you quit seeing them in such a desperate light. I got my first gf at 17, and have been with my current one since 19. I consider myself extremely lucky, but if it doesn't work out, it's not because I am unworthy of anyone's attention. Just that I'd need to find someone else. The odds are not as tall as they seem if you don't quit. :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Argentwing, May 27, 2016
    Last edited: May 27, 2016
  4. CondoAnorLondo

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2016
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    These are both very helpful responses..thank you (*hug*)
     
  5. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2015
    Messages:
    2,802
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Far above the clouds, gazing deep below the Earth
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    If you find someone who likes you for any 'superior quality', then you've found the wrong person. When people fall in love, they fall in love with mostly all the parts that make up the whole of a person (and learn to handle some quality that they don't like if present). You just need someone who likes you for you. And believe me, I know what it feels like to feel sick of myself or like "what could anyone ever see in me?" but, well, the evaluation isn't up to me, so to say, it's up to the people around me... and I'm hopeful that one day I can find myself a dreamy prince on a white horse (preferably with leather boots - meow!)
     
  6. A Seraphim Moon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2016
    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Johnson City, TN USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yes~Well put! When you fall in love you tend to love both negative and positive aspects of a person. For to truly love someone and make a relation work/last 'all' that a person is both good and bad are accepted. Regardless whether or not you like it. I find it helps to truly know a person you also need the bad. Honesty with yourself can be just as hard. Not saying that you always have to show the skeleton in the closet, some mystery is good. Same with some secrets are better left in the dark. Besides, it adds to the mystery aspect. You don't have to always reveal 'everything' but enough that you can gauge whether not you are currently on the right path so to speak or with the right person.

    No judgments! 'True' friends and people whom truly love you or 'in' love with you will take the bad and the good. ~_^ Like stated... They aren't truly capable of loving you or being friends with you if all they want are the superior qualities or only good qualities. No one is perfect. The imperfections are part of what make you 'you'.
     
    #6 A Seraphim Moon, May 27, 2016
    Last edited: May 27, 2016
  7. CondoAnorLondo

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2016
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    No one likes me anyways so......
     
  8. A Seraphim Moon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2016
    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Johnson City, TN USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'd like to take that challenge. ~_^ First off what if I said I liked you? You probably don't believe and already asking yourself 'how' and 'why'. Or even thinking I'm some weird perv or stalker even. Maybe you are even thinking to yourself that I am just saying it to be saying it.

    Hmm~You would be most definitely wrong. (Maybe not on all aspects that you would be thinking, for I am not you! And I can be 'pervy' :icon_wink haha) Anyway... It's in our internal make up. We are hardwired from birth to be judgmental and on various levels and forms.

    For instance if in person... You have to be physically attracted to someone to even strike up a conversation with a person and even more so to maintain a friendship. Think not... Scenario~You need directions 2 choices are in front of you 1. Is a guy that has scars on his face and dirt on him from head-toe. 2. Is a guy wearing a jacket, blue jeans, and his hair is clean cut. Almost everyone reading would think go to the guy in jacket, but what if I told you the guy had a knife and was going to mug you. The only reason the other guy is dirty is due to the fact he just got off work and the scars are from a car accident he couldn't help. Most would think he was a serial killer or hobo and various things.

    It goes with online as well. If you don't have a picture to look at when I read your threads/posts then the only thing I can go off is what you type and how you type it. If you read a persons post that had horrible spelling and you could barely read, let alone understand half of it are you going to respond? What if the person just seemed like a chauvinistic jerk and uppity? The list would go on.

    Something in your words is a direct result of my 'liking'/'attraction' to you. Which in turn was the direct result in my replying in the first place. Same with this time. ^_^ So, you see... No matter how small or even how deeply it's buried within the dark recesses of mind and brain I wouldn't have been to able respond to you if I didn't like you same as if I couldn't relate to you or your experience in some way, no matter how small. I wouldn't have responded.

    Friends are easier to make than you think, it's keeping them that is the hard part. :icon_wink So, even if it would be online and maybe not in person/real life if they didn't like you they wouldn't talk to you.
     
    #8 A Seraphim Moon, May 27, 2016
    Last edited: May 27, 2016
  9. CondoAnorLondo

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2016
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I see. I think I need professional help but things are happening in my household and I don't want to stress my parents any more.. I seriously can't get over this feeling. It doesn't have to do with friends, just romance, I don't think anyone will ever love me that way genuinely.
     
  10. A Seraphim Moon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2016
    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Johnson City, TN USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I hope this time I can avoid a book, it seems with almost every reply I just type away and forget I need to stop eventually, lol. ~_^

    I am there, exactly there on the romance! I have literally zero potential suitors! I wouldn't even begin to know where to look. I've tried the whole 'online' dating. Too far away is usually what happens! Not hours, but states away from me. I just can't seem to find anyone in my area...

    When I do it's either we don't click at all or I wouldn't even be friends with the person. If they bring up wanting a sexual encounter within the first message.. Ugh! So tacky! Deal breaker, not really my type. At that point they're not looking for friendship and even then, I've hard time trying to even maintain a conversation with them seeing as they have something else on their mind.

    So... I am single! Off the market. In some ways it was originally by choice and on purpose and in some ways, not by choice! Because at the beginning I wanted to be off the market. Now... I don't want to be and can't stand it! But, as stated... I'm at a loss.

    So, my substitute family (room mates and their two kids) are also my substitute companions! Suffice to say the emotional contact and friendship is pretty well take care of... But, the relationship and of course the physical part that would be taken care of is left wanting. Almost 2 years now, but monks do it their whole life... But, for the life of me... HOW do they do it? haha I've worked on some of the issues that were a direct result in the ending of the relationships that were my fault. I thin I am in a better place now. So, that's a plus when it happens!

    So, that's all I can do for the moment is hope and seek out ways to distract myself and look for ways to meet new people that could potential prospects for a relationship.
     
    #10 A Seraphim Moon, May 28, 2016
    Last edited: May 28, 2016
  11. CondoAnorLondo

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2016
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    *pat pat* you're very nice and I'm sure you'll fine someone (*hug*)