Hey everyone! I just want to first interate how much I appreciate the help and support from my last thread. I've been trying to return the favor with other threads as best I can. Now let's get down to it. There's this guy at my work that I've been chit chatting with who I've developed a little bit of a crush on. Pretty cool guy and we're hitting it off real well, but I'm like 90% sure he isn't gay. Which is a little bit of a bummer but considering my whole situation (straight marriage and still not out) it's probably for the best anyway. This is my first one since achieving self acceptance and it's pretty wild. So my main question is, when I reach a dating point. Is there a trick to spotting other gay men I'm not aware of? Cause I feel like that's going to be a bit of a challenge when I get there. I know I can always go to bars and stuff and seek them out, but I mean just meeting a guy randomly in say the store or something. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated! Thanks, Kyboan
I think you sometimes get a vibe about a person (what we commonly refer to as gaydar), but I have to say that my own gaydar is pretty faulty. I'm not great at picking out other gay men. You also need to ask yourself if you would dare to approach a random guy in a store anyway, even if you did get strong vibes about him. On an average day you will probably pass tens or hundreds of gay men in the street because we 'blend in' very well and that's probably how it should be. When it comes to dating you really need to make the same sort of efforts when you are gay as you would if/when you are straight. Bars and clubs are an option and online dating might be worth a try, but you should also consider social groups and communities for LGBT people -- it's often in these settings where friendships (and possible relationships) are made. Tread carefully with the guy at work and try not to get too invested in the idea of any sort of deeper relationship with him. It's good to make friends and develop closer bonds with people, but keep your feet on the ground.
I've come to the conclusion that I should just not potentially jeopardize the potentially great friendship. That's more worth it than getting tied into a relationship that can only make things more messy, which I don't need now. I'm mostly just feeling around and trying to learn about how this whole new life.
^^^what patrick said^^^ With your friend a work maybe just enjoy the excitement of it all without chancing the relationship. Nothing wrong with daydreaming and acknowledging how alive it makes you feel without crossing a line. As far as meeting guys in public that's a hard one. I mean there's only so many gay guys right? I definitely have a sense when I look someone in the eye and it happens several times and they way they look back at you like in a restaurant etc. Eyesex is fun but for me I find it next to impossible to approach someone after a little eye contact. I've gone down the app route and even though theyre geared for sex I've met some really good guys that way. I'd never meet anyone without a lot of chatting and making a connection. I've met a few guys that have been very important to me in my journey of coming out that way. Taking a break from that now as I work through some things.
I've decided to stick with the friend route. There's no sense in making my life more complicated at the moment, and I could also use some good friends anyhow. However I will mention that I do sort of get one of those "vibes" Patrick spoke of, so maybe one day it can blossom into something great. But if all else fails, it'll be a great friendship which is something I need more of than anything else right now. Thanks! Kyboan
Its usually the gaydar that allows you to pick them up. I know I broke several of my friends ones. I am glad you went the friend route a lot of the time friendships can evolve into something more.
Hey folks, I wanted to drop in and give some updates on this particular thread. So the guy that is the subject has now pretty much become my best friend, which is great. I love spending time with him and we are practically the same person. There is however one little problem with the whole situation, which is that crush that I developed first hand. It hasn't went away, if anything it's gotten stronger. This is something I know for sure I DO NOT need in my life right now. I'm still coming to grips with my homosexuality, there's no way I can tangle with something like this right now. I value our friendship over anything. And I really want to forgo these feelings in order to keep that. I'm not sure how to do such a thing though. So here I am, reaching out to you wonderful people for more advice. Everyone here has been absolutely great with helping me through some things and I'm sorry to keep asking but I need you again. Can anyone help me with such a dilemma? Please and thank you! Kyboan
