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"Are you gay?" No I'm not. Except well that was a lie.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by johnnyr860, May 28, 2016.

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  1. johnnyr860

    johnnyr860
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    So the situation is this. I was at work today and one of the guys was joking around with me and he said why do I always take this job so seriously. He said I always seem either stressed out or out of it. I said sure. He tells me every time he asks me something I say yes. I told him sometimes I just agree with him when I'm busy even if I didn't hear what he said.

    So he tested me. "So are you gay?" I said no. He said see that time you actually paid attention when you answered me. The other guy who works with us said I just have selective hearing. Whatever the case is I lied. I was very uncomfortable in the room at the time. I don't want to have to lie about who I am but it was like he was putting me on the spot and it was very awkward and uncomfortable.

    I also figured it's no one's business if I'm gay or not although they have been asking if I'm on instagram or Facebook so they can add me but I'm not at that level yet. What would you have done in this situation? Was it appropriate for him to ask if I'm gay even if he was in fact just joking around with me? Did I do good to say I'm not gay due to the awkwardness and feeling uncomfortable?
     
    #1 johnnyr860, May 28, 2016
  2. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Maybe he was not testing you, but genuinely interested in knowing, and this is how he decided to ask you?
     
    #2 OnTheHighway, May 29, 2016
  3. gryf

    gryf
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    Johnny,
    You reacted. The tone may have felt accusatory and you may have felt socially threatened.

    Buy, the guy may indeed either A. Think you are gay and was hoping for an answer. Or B. Thought you were straight and since he knew the answer, asked you something he thought you would say NO to so you couldn't just arbitrarily say YES.

    A friend of mine did this a short while before I came out. After he apologized saying he would not have said that if he thought I was gay.
     
    #3 gryf, May 29, 2016
  4. kyboan

    kyboan
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    I agree, however, you know this guy better than us. If he is the type of guy that will only just give you hell for it then I totally agree with you. But you never know, maybe he's looking for somebody to reach out to for his own situation, or maybe he just want's to be your friend.

    If he doesn't seem like a total tool, I'd give him a try. If anything you may get a great friendship out of it.
     
    #4 kyboan, May 29, 2016
    Last edited: May 29, 2016
  5. Andrew99

    Andrew99
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    Wow I'm sorry he asked you that! I know that uncomfortable feeling! But no he had no right to ask you that because it's none of his damn business and if he keeps bugging you about it please report him!
     
    #5 Andrew99, May 29, 2016
  6. Pi Fermat

    Pi Fermat
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    This is a very personal thing, and you should only come out if your comfortable and on your own terms. It's totally ok, and you did the right thing, by telling someone your not gay when you are. You can always go back and tell them on your own terms.

    My parents once asked me, but they blurted it out off their mind during an argument, it was wrong to say something like that, but I lied and said no. A few weeks later I sat down with them and came out as bi. The were very accepting and made no comment about my lie before.
     
    #6 Pi Fermat, May 29, 2016
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