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Handsome gay male in healthy relationship seeks advice....

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Blueeyes73, May 29, 2016.

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  1. Blueeyes73

    Blueeyes73
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    I am a healthy handsome gay male, in a healthy wonderful relationship for about 5 years now. My concerns are I'm afraid of sex and I'm not sure why.
    What I do know, I am hiv-positive but extremely healthy.
    I have had sex with girls and guys before in the past and I've always had trouble "getting off" ( never a problem rising to the occasion) sort of speak. With my current boyfriend I have gotten off several times before but now it seems like I can't, it's like I'm worried about something. Again I have no problem rising to the occasion. Now we both have been very busy with our professional lives and we're older I'm 43 and he's 48 neither of us look our age and that is the truth . I just want some advice on how to be able to "get off" with my partner. I have talked to him about this several times , he's not worried at all but I am. He did ask me one time , that maybe I was not attracted to him physically. But, I am very much attracted to him physically he's everything I've ever hoped for and then some. I have no problem watching porn and getting off on my own so I'm not sure what the trouble is . Do any of you have any good advice or a way to resolve this issue. Also any advice on how to initiate physicality into the relationship whether it be oral sex or anal sex. I take this very seriously and I hope those of you that respond will be serious as well thank you very much.

    Also in the past with other girls and guys I have had the same issue.
     
    #1 Blueeyes73, May 29, 2016
  2. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Was this always the case or was it something that started after you got your HIV results? Have you worked with a counsellor or therapist given the emotional implications that often arise following a positive result?
     
    #2 OnTheHighway, May 29, 2016
  3. SiennaFire

    SiennaFire
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    In addition to what OTH posted, can you say more about how much of an emotional connection you feel with him?
     
    #3 SiennaFire, May 29, 2016
  4. Blueeyes73

    Blueeyes73
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    Oh yes we're very emotionally connected we do have intimacy it's just the sexual part either we're both too tired due to age or being overworked or when he's in the mood I'm not but I'm totally into him physically and mentally yes as far as the HIV I've always been paranoid of catching it and then I ended up getting it so yes sex is always been an issue with me in general again though I can always rise to the occasion I just cannot shoot off the rocket all the time

    ---------- Post added 29th May 2016 at 03:04 PM ----------

    No I have not work as a counselor or therapist I'm doing quite well emotionally with the HIV I listen to my doctor and I'm doing everything the right way so that's not the issue at all if I were single I'd be freaking out about having sex with just random people but this is my boyfriend someone I love and trust with all my heart and my life so that is why I'm wondering why am I so nervous I know sex is a very vulnerable Act but come on now
     
    #4 Blueeyes73, May 29, 2016
  5. SiennaFire

    SiennaFire
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    Part of me relates to your experience because I enjoy the connection and love making of sex and the release of orgasm is secondary. Given that you have a history throughout your previous relationships, do you feel comfortable enough to let down your guard and cum with another person? An artifact of coming from a heterosexual marriage is that I'm accustomed to orgasming last to ensure that she was satisfied, and this at least for me is a factor in delaying orgasm.

    HTH
     
    #5 SiennaFire, May 29, 2016
    Last edited: May 29, 2016
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