I am reevaluating my life lately. I came out as gay to my parents a few months ago. They were relatively accepting of it, although my Mom wasn't exactly on board at first. But now they're both fine with it. What's been bothering me lately is not knowing if my parents would've accepted my sexuality if I had come out many years ago when I subconsciously realized I was gay. Looking back, if I had come out when I was younger, I think it's possible that they may have told me I was mentally ill and sent me to a therapist to figure out what was wrong with me, or they may have sent me specifically to a gay conversion therapist to try to make me straight. I always thought it was important to respect my parents, and I've always looked up to them. But knowing that there was a possibility that they might have hurt me in these ways had I come out at a younger age makes me very sad. And it makes me view them negatively, which is new for me. This is causing me a lot of emotional turmoil. How do I get over it?
Don't look at the past and seeing what could have happened if you did come out when you were younger. Yes that could have been an option or it could not have, events are always in a fluid of motion and we never really know what happens if we change 1 thing. We can predict what might happen but never really know for sure. I would stop looking in the past whats done is done and we have nothing to gain by dreading in the past, look at the now. Your parents have accepted you for being gay, they still love you and have not kicked you out. I would really just focus on the now. If you really are dreading on the emotions like that just give yourself time they will soon disintegrate and you can move on.
For most people, coming out is like taking a walk into the unknown. We can never predict with 100% certainty how anyone will react when we tell them and that's what makes it so scary. Fortunately, attitudes are improving, but there is still a long way to go before we can all come out with confidence. Would your parents have reacted differently if you'd told them some time ago? Maybe, maybe not. It's a question you can ask yourself time and time again, but there is absolutely nothing to be gained from indulging in this kind of speculation. By ruminating over what might have been you will remain tied to the past and I think that would be rather sad for you, now that you have crossed one of the biggest hurdles on your personal journey. Of course, you could ask your parents how they would have reacted, but I'm not sure it will help to know now. Coming out gives us the opportunity to move forward and begin to live our lives with an authenticity that the closet always denies us, and it's that future that you should be looking to now. I would encourage you to focus on what you know and look to a better and happier future.
