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Is it okay to be attracted to certain type of person?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by LucidDreamer, Jun 1, 2016.

  1. LucidDreamer

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    I know this may seem like kind of a no brainer but hear me out. I am a teen who has been struggling with my sexuality for a long time. I've gone between being straight, to bi, to lord knows what else back and forth back and forth. No matter how much I tried to accept myself as bi or being attracted to guys I just couldn't admit it to myself. Like, the idea of sex with a guy turns me on but I could never have seen myself with a guy like in a serious long term relationship. But lately, I guess my feelings are starting to develop more or something, I am starting to see that being in a relationship with someone of the same sex may not actually be so bad. For one, I'm sure people of the same sex understand each other much more than opposite sex relationships, also it would be nice to not feel like the "alpha male" in the relationship all the time.

    I guess what I'm saying is.. I'm still trying to figure this whole thing out. Is it fine to have a certain "type" of guy I'm interested in just as if I'd have a type for a girl i'd be interested in?

    This is sort of hard to explain. Like in reality a lot of guys seem like a-holes and what not. I'm more into the sweet, nice guys who aren't all muscle and stuff.

    Please forgive me for this question lol.. This is my first post and I just don't know where to start with all this.

    What im basically saying is. By being bisexual, must I be attracted to every guy sexually or could I only be attracted to some? This whole thing is just different for me since I started accepting myself. Like the idea of having sex with a guy who's an a-hole basically turns me off in a way, and I'd be more interested in sex with a sweet guy who actually wanted to cuddle and stuff. One who isn't all about sex and understands me.

    I will say this though. I have dated about three guys online about a year or two ago and I loved it. In a way it felt more "special" being in a relationship with a guy than it does with a girl. But all of that all basically faded away over the months when I thought I was only going through a phase. But as I progress through my teenage years, I'm starting to put two and two together of how I acted during my child hood and coming to realize that I really am bi sexual. I guess this question is just the first step to me accepting myself.

    My parents probably already have suspicions of me being bi but I don't plan on saying anything to them until I'm 18 lol. I'm 16 at the moment and my moms already pushing me to read the bible and I can't bring myself to tell her that I'm not christian.
    Anyways... I'm rambling on. Thank you to anyone who actually reads this lol :slight_smile:
     
    #1 LucidDreamer, Jun 1, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2016
  2. gryf

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    Some of your post could have been written by me.

    Yes. It's OK to have a type. Everyone does. Why would it be different for each sex?

    Bisexual persons aren't attracted to every person! You are no exception.

    Your post focused on guys. And seemed to detract from your relation to women. Do you think you have a preference to guys? Or was it since inaccurate phrasing?

    I also like the less muscular, wants to cuddle and be real guys.
     
  3. OnTheHighway

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    There is absolutely nothing wrong with having specific attractions. If there are certain types that you find attractive, and as you suggested your interested in "sweet, nice guys whom are not all muscle and stuff" you should then focus your attention on those types of guys. No need to let media push certain types on you because that is what sells magazines.

    Like you, I am not keen on guys with perfect six packs that worry more about how they look than what is in their mind.

    Go with what you are comfortable with.
     
  4. bryaninau

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    First let me say its ok to ask the question, that's what this form board was created for to ask questions and get input for others. Yes its ok to only be attracted to a certain type of a guy, we all have them, you don't need to be attracted to all guys. As a gay male myself I am not attracted to every guy I see its only certain ones that I am attracted to. Since your only 16 your body is still going through and changing and with that your type and who your attracted to may or may not change alone with that. Just give yourself time to adapt and don't rush into anything. Lastly I understand where you are coming from with being christian, most LGBT people from my experience are no longer religious because of how the bible is used against us. I was raised as catholic but when I came out I felt as though it wasn't for me, and I began a journey of finding a religion that fits for me.
     
  5. PennyMonkey96

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    First of all Welcome, since you did say this is your first post, I know what its like to go back and forth first thinking I was bi, then saying this was just a phase, and then just accepting the act that Im gay. I try to not have a type, if that makes sense? But I usually find myself looking towards guys that are less muscular and rugged, more sweet and dorky I guess. Not gonna push someone away just based on looks, or body type. Like said before just take your time and don't rush into anything. Your feelings are your feelings and its good that you're asking questions and actually trying to find out who you are, I wish I would've done that earlier in my life. Hope this helped (*hug*) , If it didn't than I'm sorry :eusa_doh:
     
  6. A Mindful Wolf

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    "I'm sure people of the same sex understand each other much more than opposite sex relationships"

    This isn't true at all lol, just a product of a binary-driven society. I know dogs that have understood me more than some people. I spent 14 years of my life despising men before I found someone who helped me get over it, so this isn't true.
    Onto you post, of course not! It's ridiculous to assume someone is attracted to all men just because he is gay/bi. That's the kind of attitude that keeps the LGBTQ community down in the shits :frowning2: Don't let people's narrowmindedness influence you.
     
  7. LucidDreamer

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    Thanks everyone :slight_smile: in the past few months and what not, I could have definitely told you I was attracted to women more. I was actually just talking to my friend about that a while ago but a TV show that I was watching made me really question my sexuality.. Like once I started to question it I didn't turn away from it and automatically conclude that I'm "obviously straight". I realized that any relationship could still have that special "connection" that women and men often have. What I meant by "I'm sure guys may understand each other more than let's say a guy and a girl"
    I'm not sure what I thought. My idea of a perfect guy would be one who's sort of like a best friend as in he's interested in the things I like, wouldn't mind to cuddle and let me feel like the one who's protecting him for a change or "alpha male" if you will, but also wouldn't mind if he could be alpha male whenever. I'm just saying that its sort of nice to feel like you're the one being protected instead of the one doing the protecting.. I never really had that in my life and the idea of having someone like this makes me really start to look forward to the future.
    I'm not sure where I lie with my attraction to women now. I mean their nice, attractive and all, but I'm sort of tired of them in a way. Like I'm just trying to focus myself on the same sex for the time being and see who I truly become down the line. Is it possible to be attracted to both sex's at some point but realize you are really only attracted to the same sex later in your teen years or perhaps early adult? I just believe that me dating a guy would provide something a women couldn't provide me. Like making me feel extra special in a way.
     
    #7 LucidDreamer, Jun 1, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2016
  8. RGEm

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    I'm pretty much going through the same thing right now. Like I'm attracted to both genders, but I currently seem to be more attracted to girls right now? I only really fully realised I was bi like a couple of months ago, and I used to be more attracted to the opposite sex, but recently I seem to like girls more. Tbh, it is making me pretty confused for some reason :s
     
  9. gryf

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    You're both still developing.
    Many keep maturing into their 20s.
    Hormones will fluctuate, you will change your mind again and again.
    Try to feel it there trends. Or just do what you are comfortable with.
    You will eventually settle and know who you are attracted to and who not.

    Remember there is romantic and sexual attraction. And varying degrees of each.
    Knowing it doesn't have to be all our nothing can help
     
  10. LucidDreamer

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    Yeah within 24 hours of that post I started to feel attracte to guys again and it has been this way sense. I find that when I masturbate I suddenly end up completely straight I guess its because of hormones or something, but when I substain from masturbating I start to feel bi once more. I've felt bi for the past 2 or so days now and I also haven't mastuebated since.
     
  11. LucidDreamer

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    Lately I've started to look at the bigger picture by realizing I dont care about gender anymore. Every time I see relationships, I think about what I'm missing. I often times find myself saying "I just want someone to love and care for me like that" gender is never involved when I say that. Which brings me to think I really may be pansexual because what's most important to me is the emotional aspect of everything and going through life together with a particular person who loves me. I don't really care about the gender part of it all, and sex is just sex. Im sure its awesome from both genders but emotions stand above sex for me.

    I've considered myself pan before but that all drifted away just like everything else lol.
     
  12. Flutters1980

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    Sounds perfectly normal to me. I too have a preferred type of woman.
     
  13. gnolka

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    I really understand what you're saying because I recently went through the same thing. I was struggling with my sexuality and feeling very confused. I had a crush on a girl, but realized that I wasn't really attracted to that many girls. It seems like straight girls are constantly saying "that guy is so hot!" and have so many crushes. I thought that I should be experiencing the same thing with girls. I realize now that I am attracted to girls, I just have a type, and that's perfectly okay!
     
  14. kibou97

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    What you're doing is fine. it's normal to have certain types that you're interested in, just like how you and other people who are attracted to girls are attracted more towards certain types of girls both physically as well as personality-wise.
     
  15. faustian1

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    Absolutely, it's predominantly "normal" to have a "type."

    Let's hope your type is frequent enough to be available (I've met people whose "type" is unattainable).

    And not all guys like "a-holes." Most people, in fact, don't enjoy being taken for granted. Would it interest you to know that as a middle aged guy, I have met 20-something guys who like 50-somethings, muscular guys who like chubby guys, people who have a thing for skinny guys. There truly is something for everyone.

    So go ahead, be picky!

    Also, if you find yourself turning "straight" after you masturbate, and more "bi" when it's been awhile, that's a sure sign, isn't it? It may be a sign of guilt, or remorse, or something else. It's definitely not a sign of a high-frequency oscillation in your sexual orientation.

    Open up to yourself. Just remember, there is only one viewer to that fantasy playing in your head, and that's you. Unless you decide to tell somebody. You always can tell yourself.