Hello, I'm relatively new here and I've only posted once. In my first post a few weeks ago I described my general struggle and confusion regarding my sexual orientation...something I am still working through. I mentioned at how I am immensely supportive of other LGBTQ+ individuals, but whenever I try to admit to myself that I might be gay I cannot bring myself to do it and it creates feelings of nausea and physical illness. The first comment on my post began by saying "Ah, internalised homophobia strikes again". I had never heard of this term before and searched it online. It's exactly what I'm feeling, and I read a really interesting article that managed to give me partial sense of clarity on the matter. Here's the article: Internalized Homophobia | Revel & Riot This is something that I am still struggling with, but I was wondering if anybody knows anything else about it, can share personal stories, or might have a recommended reading elsewhere that might be beneficial. Thanks so much.
Wallflower, I've had many of the same feelings as you. I've now reached a point where I can look in the mirror and comfortably say it out loud, mostly. I still cringe a little but it's better than it was. I first noticed something was different when I was young, all my friends were beginning to look at girls and point them out to each other. Meanwhile I had to hide the fact that I was looking at them rather than the girls. It was weird for me, because everything I was taught in life said that because of this, something was wrong with me, that I was some sort of freak. So I did what any oppressed person would do, and avoided it. I got married to this great gal and had a family with her, things are great. But at the same time they aren't. I always throughout this marriage thought something was missing, I only recently have begun to understand what. Then I went through the period you're going through now. The only thing I have to tell you about it is this too shall pass eventually. If there is one thing I can tell you is to not do what I've done in an effort to hide from it. It never goes away, and that's something I've now learned the hard way. With that, I now have brought my poor wife into the cross hairs of this whole mess. I haven't reached a point where I'm ready to tell her, or anyone for that matter. I'm only just now getting used to this myself. But with you, I'd say stay the course, work these things out yourself for a while, it's worth it. It may take a while, for me it's been months now and I'm still just as scared as I was the day I finally realized that I am gay, for perspective, but hang in there. Just know this, whatever you feel, disgusting, weird, a freak, what have you. It's not true. I went thought this and still do sometimes. This may make a few on here mad but honestly if I could be straight I would be, but I'm the type of person that hates conflict and this is definitely something that will create a little conflict with loved ones, and I'm a sucker for the easy way out. I read over some of your previous posts and felt a lot of what you've been describing within them, and I'm only a few years older than you so I worry that you could fall into the same pattern myself and many others took to avoid this. Trust me, it only makes things messier and harder. Work this out with yourself, or even seek therapy if it's too hard. You'll eventually get to a better place, I can say from experience. Good Luck! Kyboan P.S. If you ever need a friendly ear, hit me up.
I am in the same boat as you. It's hard sometimes to accept something that can really change your life. It can affect a lot of different aspects of your life whether it be with friends or family. Personally, I grew up in a not overly religious but still very religious family, so when first started realizing I was gay, it scared me. I have mostly accepted it now, but there's still that part of my brain that tells me that being gay is wrong. That's what j was taught growing up. Internalized homophobia is hard to deal with but if you can surround yourself with people who accept you and love you for who you truly are, you will find that feeling and those thoughts will start to fade. Don't be afraid to explore and figure who you truly are. Just know that no matter what choice you make, there are people who will love you for it. Best of luck :smilewave
