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Feeling comfortable talking openly about my boyfriend

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ConverseCody, Jun 5, 2016.

  1. ConverseCody

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    Hi there!

    I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now. However, I often avoid talking openly about him through fear of people's reactions or fear of making people feel uncomfortable.

    For instance I've spent a lot of time volunteering at a charity shop working towards an student award. In order to work the hours needed for it I'll be there about a year. A lot of the people who work there are old and while I don't think they'd hurl homophobic abuse at me, I can imagine they'd feel awkward if I started referring to my boyfriend in conversation.

    If ever a time comes where he'd naturally pop up in conversation (eg. my boyfriend does that, me and my boyfriend went there) I keep quiet. I guess I fear what people will think/say behind my back, fear that I'll make people feel uncomfortable and at the same time almost feel like I'm doing something wrong as I've never really been around anyone who refers to their boyfriend in every day conversation in the same way that someone might refer to their wife etc.

    Has anyone else struggled with talking openly about their other half and if so how do you go about feeling more comfortable and caring less about the reaction/what people think?
     
  2. Aspen

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    Oh yes. Part of it stems from necessity--I can't talk about my girlfriend anywhere it might get back to my family. It's scary because you never know how people are going to react. I finally have one place where I often casually talk about my girlfriend (oddly enough, a volunteer organization) and it gets easier the more you do it.

    If there's someone in particular you feel will be more accepting (the first person I did it with actually asked me if I had a boyfriend or girlfriend), start with them. Go slow. The nice thing about talking about an SO in normal conversation is if things get awkward there's a perfect out in just continuing the conversation. If an opportunity arises naturally, go for it. :slight_smile:
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    Most charities have a good record when it comes to diversity and equality of opportunity and volunteers are expected to comply with any policies that are in place. I also do voluntary work with a UK charity and they have a very strict policy that is clearly explained during the recruitment process. Does the charity you are working for have such a policy?

    Sometimes, we get ourselves into a habit of second guessing people and trying to judge how they might react to us being gay by the way they speak, or dress (or other factors) and it's really not a good idea. You can't really judge somebody well like that. If you think about it, you are judging them, when you don't wish to be judged yourself.

    If you are really scared about coming out to them directly, see how they react to LGBT news stories. If a celebrity come out as gay you could casually mention it in conversation and see how they respond.

    Working in a charity shop should provide you with lots of opportunities to raise the subject though. A nice colourful outfit might look good in the pride parade (for example).

    It's possible to paralyse yourself with fear when there is nothing to be afraid of.

    Final thought - we often believe that older people will be the hardest to tell, but that's not necessarily the case. Older people have lived through decades of change and they have seen real issues and hardship that we cannot even imagine, so the matter of your sexuality might seem quite trivial to them. Many older people are good at identifying what matters in life, and what doesn't.
     
  4. ConverseCody

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    Hi sorry. The organization is Oxfam. I'm not entirely sure if they do or not. They have never gone over anything like that with me before. I guess you could be right. When its someone my own age I'm usually a little nervous but I generally think their reaction will be good, just when they're older I'm reminded of stuff that my grandparents say and a couple of reactions I've had before