So my husband had a long talk with me last night....about me being gay. He knows. He totally knows. This all started because he wanted to have intercourse with me. We were both a little drunk. Thats the only time I can make myself do it. He knows that. And being the good person I am...I know he has needs...and I wanna keep him happy. But he didn't really wanna force me to do it. So he started talking about how much he knows that I don't really wanna do it with him and he's fine with it. I lost my shit. I cried so hard. Partially because I was relieved, but also because I was upset with myself for not being what he wanted or needed. I know thats stupid, but he made me feel useless for some reason. After the talk, I....surrendered to him. I let him get his release. Thank god it didn't last long. I didn't get to bed until at least 2am. I felt so suicidal it was insane. I literally threatened to take a knife to my wrist. Of course he stopped me. But I hate myself. I felt like such a slut for letting myself be taken like that. But..in my mind I had no choice. Can't let him go find another woman when he's my only source of survival. During the talk though, he did say he wants me to be happy...even if that means finding a woman. In fact he was bascially saying he wants me to date. I don't get it....do I take him seriously or not? I know he's unhappy and so am I. So in conclusion, what do I do?! Any thoughts on this are welcome. Thanks for reading this. :help: :tears:
Find a girl that will support you or support yourself, staying with him just for financial security is messed up and totally unhealthy for both of you. You both are unhappy, Personally I would try to end it as quickly and cleanly as possible and move on with life.
Wish it was that easy. I'm trying to make a plan though. I'm thinking of going back to college. Possibly taking up cosmetology. I also wanna try to date online...but I'm scared.
