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I Don't Know What To Do

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by David21201, Jun 9, 2016.

  1. David21201

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    :help::tears:This week I lost a friend/enemy in a four car accident. I've somewhat have come to terms about it but I can't get him off my mind. He was a week younger than me... We sat by each other in band.

    The band wants to retire this years shirts in honour of him, but I refuse to retire mine because I want to wear it in memory of him. People are calling me a heartless bitch for thinking that. I'm not being one...right?

    I'm so worried about some of his other friends and the girls who saw and held him as he died. My anxiety is through the roof and the only calm I've found is through smoking. I don't want to relape into self-harm.

    i just need advice on jow to help myself
     
  2. faustian1

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    It's good that you want to find a way to honor him.

    For yourself, you may be able to do this and help yourself, too. Did he leave behind any siblings? How about parents? Is there someone you can contact and be there for, maybe ask them if you can help them with something so they will have time for something they have to do?
     
  3. David21201

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    His brothers and dad are already being bombarded. I helped set up his memorial but I feel like more needs to be done.
     
  4. bubbles123

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    Yes, whatever way you feel you want to honor him is great. Everyone finds different ways that they feel honor loved ones best. Ask yourself: Are you a heartless bitch for doing that? Picture what that would mean. I would picture that scenario being something like refusing to give up the shirt in order to mock the person, and joke with people about how you got away with it. That is not even close to what you are doing. You are a good person thinking good thoughts and honoring this person in a way that is true to you.

    Also, you may find some strength in thinking about what your friend would want, how he wouldn't want you to feel sad or hurt or guilty in any way just as you wouldn't want that for him if it were opposite and that happened, regardless of your history or things that have happened in the past.

    You are doing what you can, and know that there are many others who are all supporting him in their own way. All will be well, all will get done that needs to.

    I would highly recommend talking to a school guidance councilor about your feelings and don't be afraid to be honest about how you feel. I don't know if that's something you've done before, but it can be extremely helpful, especially when you may be over-criticizing things irrationally in your head. Sometimes you just need someone to tell you the facts and that it's okay.
    In the meantime, stay busy. You don't have to bury your feelings, but just keep with a normal routine. That's probably the best thing you can do right now.

    Remember that your feelings are real and valid and authentic. You are a human being. It is okay to feel the feelings you do. You are never more than a human being and never less than a human being.

    I wish you the best, even though it is a hard time. But I promise on my heart that it will get better and that you have done nothing wrong.

    Hang in there. You are in my thoughts <3
     
  5. Bolt35

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    It's definitely depressing when something like that happens. the whole school gets a bit down and the class seems a bit emptier then before. been through this situation myself, though i wasn't too involved. I don't think you're wrong in your situation, because you're only coping with it the way you know how, and others who were saying this, might've thought otherwise. If you feel that you have to explain it, by all means go ahead, make it clear and firm so that people can understand your train of thought. It's only natural that you're feeling the way that you are. Don't feel too bad, you can get through this.