I've been on medication for depression and anxiety for about 8 months now and they have worked. But for some reason I feel like they aren't working as well now. When my depression is bad I feel almost nothing and I never feel like I am actually awake and walking around. I used to cut and I stopped ever since I went on these meds but it crossed my mind again and I am terrified of falling into old habits like getting high off of random things in the house and drinking and such. I just always have an empty feeling in my gut. I miss being happy and actually feeling something when I smile. I have to force a smile around people and it physically hurts and I have no idea why. I hate sleeping alone. I am tired of hating myself. I just want to be better and not so messed up.
First of all, good that you've stopped cutting. Give yourself a sticker for that, and no blame for thinking about it. It's not easy to go back on a safe road. There are bumps. Do you have anyone on speed-dial whom you can call or text to when you are feeling low? Little things can help you feel awake, such as changing your bedsheets, taking a shower, putting on comfy, cute clothes (things to take gentle care of yourself) How are your parents or guardians reacting to your depression and anxiety? You say that you hate sleeping alone. Do you think you could ask anyone living with you if that's okay to sleep by their side? It is really okay to ask for help, moral or physical, and half a bed should not be a bother. I hope you'll feel better asap. (*hug*) PM if you need some stranger to talk to.
