Okay, so this is getting seemingly worse. In an earlier post in a different part of the forum, I mentioned how I was loosing sleep over issues. Today marks the first time I haven't slept for nearing 2 days. I'm incredibly stressed out over multiple things, and I thought I should look for some help since I had my first panic attack since early January this morning. So, I was reading through news articles, and my feed/dashboard in general on Tumblr and Reddit. The majority of the posts were all about the shooting in Orlando. The stream of post after post reminded me of just the handful of things I have yet to tell most people close to me, including my super close circle of friends, and my parents. For my parents: I have yet to tell them that I'm bi, that I have a boyfriend, or that I'm trans (which is something I got a bit of help with in the other part of the forum I mentioned earlier) For my close friends: My boyfriend and how I'm trans. As well as one bigger secret, that only 2 other people know about, and it really disturbs me. If needed, I won't mind talking about it if asked, since due to the sites rules, I do remain almost completely anonymous, considering the username has no correlation to anything regarding my usual one, which makes me a bit comfortable talking about it. I feel that I may just be overly-anxious about most of this stuff, but a bit of help on this could really mean a lot to me. (Sorry if this belongs in the Coming Out Advice area - I'm not entirely too sure.)
Hey, I know it feels hard to hide your feelings especially at such a young age. Usually I would say to wait a bit and have patience but now thing you should just tell them. What do your parents think of lgbt people? Either way I think you should still talk to them,doesn't have to be about everything but I think the most important thing is about you being trans.Do you think there's a chance they will understand and maybe even let you transition? If so you must tell them to feel better plus transioning before puberty kicks in would do wonders for you,mentally and physically.
Hey, thanks for replying. I was totally going to follow your advice, but something happened today that has had the total opposite effect. I'm just going to quickly say that they are okay with lgbt people, in fact there are some lgbt people within my family. But anyway, my mom found out that stress has caused me to lose sleep and my appetite. She pushed and pushed for me to tell her what was stressing me out. I wasn't completely ready to ask I said I wasn't comfortable with saying anything yet. She ignored anything I said afterwards, as she was borderline telling at me. She finally just said "youre gay aren't you" which has negatively impacted me so badly. 1.when she said it was in an extremely demeaning tone, as if I did something wrong. 2.she was wrong ,but I was too shocked to correct her. She actually made me feel ashamed of being... me. Sure, she was a bit off since I'm bi, but I've had almost no interest in females, so it was close enough. I'm also paranoid that she'll read my Skype conversations to see what else I've been hiding, and she'll find out everything else. I haven't felt this bad in a long time, and I'm a bit scared.
Oh, hon... :icon_sad: To delete your Skype conversations from a computer permanently, please read this support page, very helpful: https://support.skype.com/en/faq/FA34636/how-do-i-delete-or-hide-my-instant-message-conversations I am sorry that you could not come out on your terms, and that your mother reacted badly. (*hug*) Thankfully your boyfriend is here, and you can find support here. Hang in there. The fact that you still have to tell your parents that you are trans, have a boyfriend, and the two other big secrets you keep, is still pretty heavy. Would you be able to get it all delivered to them in one setting? Or do you think that gradually would be better? I can understand that the reaction of your mother does not really encourage you to come out again, as trans this time. However, you mentioned that your parents are "okay" with LGBT people, which makes me wonder if her initial disdain came from her exasperation / worry that you were losing sleep and appetite, not from her honest opinion. Worry can impair judgement - and so can stress and lack of sleep. Are the two secrets you keep likely to hurt your parents in any way? Do you think they suspect anything you still have to tell them? Stay strong and safe!
I honestly think that doing it all at once would be easier. Hopefully next year I would try to give them one huge letter, since I'm better with writing than talking. As for the big secret, it would have a chance of doing more harm to me. I think a bit of context /a summed up version of this story could be helpful. So,this was about a year ago, before I started questioning. I frequently went play Xbox with my upstairs neighbor. She was 2 years older than me, so 14 I think, and claimed to be gay. One night she basically tries to coerce me into sex,basically. I refuse,she kept trying and trying. When she gave up she started trying to insult me to get what she wanted. It didn't work. I was really clueless, and it never really bothered me. Neither did 3 months later, just before she moved out, rubbed my crotch, most likely on purpose, even though I had been dead set in what I had said 3 months prior : no. The the only started to bother me recently, as I started to remember the situation, as well as realizing how messed up that was. It has taken a huge toll on me now, but not then. Now, I get nervous whenever I simply put things on my lap, or if someone touches me I freeze up really badly. What make me anxious about telling them is that most likely I'll be in trouble for not telling them earlier, even though I really would rather be comforted about that whole...thing. I'm not even sure how to simply describe it. Sorry about the length of the response.
Well, I think you described it very well here. It was indeed a messed up thing, but they should not give you hell for not speaking out earlier; it's always pretty difficult to talk about such awkward situations. Have you talked about it with your boyfriend? Perhaps he could also help you with the letter, in due time, so you will not feel too overwhelmed.
