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Overridden with guilt because of beauty and intelligence.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by The Falcon, Jun 14, 2016.

  1. The Falcon

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    I was bullied as a child because I was "different". I guess people sensed I was gay and they hated me for it. I was never the popular guy so I never had any girl... But I was gay since forever so I rejected every girl I thought of...

    So, long story short, recently, I guess I changed, I am very tall, I started exercising, I have a nice smile, cute eyes etc. So girls started noticing me more and more. I constantly see them looking at me more and more... They stare at me... I've even caught some girls being stunned when they look at me, like they can't believe their eyes or something. I am also very intelligent and most of the girls that have been hitting on me are what you can call sapio-sexual...

    I am still not a Hollywood star or something, I guess I am just good-looking. So I know this may sound very arrogant, but it is somehow connected with my homosexuality. Why? Well because i know how it feels to be ugly, and I feel strange for being beautiful now. I feel like I am lying to someone when they look at me, as if I want to scream: I hide my painful and humiliating past of being bullied and this outer appearance is deceiving you. And I started noticing people and calling them "ugly" in my head, and I feel extremely guilty for having these thoughts...

    I feel like it is just my age and certain circumstances that contribute to my beauty, and all of that is false and temporary... The truth is that I am the ugly kid from elementary school...

    Has anyone been through this? Has anyone experienced these silly feelings?
     
  2. Michael

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    Beauty is temporary, you should keep that in mind and focus on other less temporary qualities for yourself.

    Personally I never had time for such thoughts, my life goes too fast for that.
     
  3. The Falcon

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    Thank you...

    I get to think this irrational guilt about stuff is connected with recurrent feelings of depression...

    I should explore that.