The other day I messaged someone I thought I was good friends with at one point. We'd stopped talking for a really long time - they began to ignore me. I was really offended, and after giving them many months to get their shit together, took them off of everything once a lot of time had gone by and still got no response. But last night, for some odd reason, I had the urge to message them and find out what happened between us. I hung out with this person, they said something about us being sisters, called us friend soulmates, and we always had a really good time when we hung out/seemed to just click. And she's a lesbian, but clicked in the most friendy of ways. Like, I wasn't attracted to her, pretty sure she wasn't attracted to me, and we just had a good time whenever we were out together, we could talk for hours and just be normal...I'm sure you get the picture. So she answers me back today and says something about how it was nothing personal, that she guesses she felt like we didn't really have anything in common. ..........................?????? I'm so confused by this statement, is that normal? My confusion? I'm not sure how much more you have to have in common with someone - we went to the same school, were the same major, both like chicks (she doesn't know I've fully accepted that because she ducked out in the midst of my questioning, but she was one of the first people I went to), and we really just had an easy time being together. Unless that was all in my head and they were struggling while hanging with me? That's what I'm struggling with right now, was everything in my head? And now it's making me feel crazy, because it brings me back to my trigger and how I was in love with her while she clearly didn't feel anything for me at all, but acted so romantic with me the entire time. I might be suffering so much because I am the biggest non-bullshitter in the world. I don't do or say things that I don't mean, like, say I'm friend soulmates with someone and not mean that at all. Or talk about being in a relationship with someone if I don't want to see their response because I actually want to be in a relationship with them. And it doesn't make sense to me that anyone would waste their time or energy feigning these things if that's the case. It's making me feel crazy right now, like, do I have a problem with social cues?? I just don't think I do, because I usually read situations really well. I don't know. I seriously just feel like there's something wrong with me right now, and I don't understand how things and people work, and it makes me want to isolate myself... I guess I want to know if there's something wrong with me, not that any of you could tell me, lolol.
It's probably not in your head at all, but an easy way for her to respond without really explaining how and why you drifted apart. I would guess there is more to it and we can only surmise what that something might have been. Don't take it all on board and start questioning yourself, because there is nothing to be gained in that.
Maybe she had feelings for you and was waiting for you to make a move or tell her you liked her more than a friend. I had a friend like that she did that same to me she just walked away from our 4 year friendship, I asked her why and she said something along them lines along with but I miss you... I loved her like a best friend and didn't have any other feelings for her and I don't think she could get over it so cut herself off from me. We haven't spoken in over 8 years and it still upsets me that she'd give up on a friendship like that
Thanks for the responses, guys. I'm pretty over it, but it's the weirdest thing a friend has ever said to me. It doesn't sound like a friend-response, or even something that would happen between friends. We weren't just like, say hey to each other when we crossed paths. We made time for each other. I went to events with her. Drank tea and had deep chats about life. I drove out of the way for us to hang out sometimes. It just doesn't really make sense to me at all.
I would be extremely mad if anyone I considered a true friend did that to me. My gut feeling is that there is more your ex-friend is not telling you for whatever reason. But it does not sound like something you should spend time pursuing. Good that you are over it. Actually now I think of it I did have a former close friend who became distant to me overnight. It was a crazy story but the bottom line was he back stabbed me first by logging into my personal email for a good 6 months, and (to justify his behavior?) later on he wrote me a long email saying how I was phony and unworthy... Not saying your friend definitely did something shady but some people are just nuts.
Yeah, I don't know. It's not so much the friendship loss that bothers me, probably because we haven't really had contact for so long, but the explanation. It just doesn't make sense to me. All I keep thinking is that's not an excuse to not be friends with someone, not having things in common. Most of my friends and I don't have a ton of things in common, that's why we're friends, we balance each other out with our differences. If she was someone I just interacted with sometimes it wouldn't surprise me, I like to think I'm pretty mentally stable and don't blow things out of proportion, but we were actual friends. Hang out friends. Vent to each other friends...normal friends?? Haha, it's just weird as hell to me. It's fine, I'm happy she's out of my life. I'm starting to think of these people as bullets I'm getting to dodge. I've only had this with my trigger otherwise...acting in a way that doesn't seem to align with how they're actually feeling. It actually worries me a little bit. Like, is it hard to be friends with lesbians? Is it always going to be someone analyzing the relationship romantically? I feel that my ex-friend, who was a lesbian, made more of a this-is-why-I-didn't-call-you-back-after-our-date rather than an, this-is-why-we're-not-friends-anymore statement. We had a lot in common. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. UH-BUH-BYE to her!!
I don't have a lot in common with most of my close friends in terms of interests and hobbies. I do share somewhat similar viewpoints with them on certain (very important) things so that's enough for me. Most of the time when I think I am close to someone, they would agree (thank god for that!). But I had similar experience as to what you said with a few straight guys I tried to befriend (the analyzing things romantically part). They thought I was making moves on them and things got real awkward real fast. One guy in particular always had to invite 2-3 other people whenever I asked him to hang out. So I just gave up on being friends with those people. It is simply not worth it. I have not experienced this with lesbians but I don't have close lesbian friends either so I am not sure.
