Hey friends, Disclaimer: its a but too long. But plz read through. I'm heart broken big time! Need advice badly. I'll jump to my story. I am in love with a girl and kind of in a relationship with her for past more than one year now. I live with her as in we share room, she moved in to my room last year when I was looking for a roommate. We became friends soon and had that instant connection. She is the most bful and attractive person I have ever met in my life. She is supercool funny and sexy upfront and honest person. But she was and totally into boys. She had never been with a girl before. She would only crave for boys. But she was not seeing anyone for past few years while she was staying with her parents. So, we just hit it off pretty soon. We both got attracted to each other and started making out within a month we met. It was so crazy and bful to be with a girl like her who is so amazing. This was my first relationship ever, never found anyone all my life I could fall in love with. But all this year inwas scared as every time we go out party or anywhere out she would just keep checking out boys and would talk to random guys we met in parties. She always maintained this that she is into boys and wished for a boyfriend. But at the same time our relationship kept growing too. She loved my body and was attracted to me and would keep saying till today that I'm the most important person in her life right now and she cannot think of leaving me ever. But yes she does want a guy as she cannot live without sex ... She feels incomplete without it. Cut to last week, in a party she met a very interesting and cute guy, they had this instant liking for each other. They have started meeting and dating since then. It's been 9 days and they've already met 6-7 times. This guy is giving her so much attention that she cannot ignore, she looks happy. Cut to my reaction, I'm shattered, hurt and heartbroken. Can't stop crying. I reacted and not able to talk to her and confront her. Finally we talked after 3-4 days and she complained that why I'm reacting and threatened by this guy as she just enjoying the attention and not in love with the guy yet. She is looking forward to have sex with him though. But I can't help but cry all the time. This guy is coming to our room daily in the evening and they are spending time together in my room in my bed. Eating dinner together watching movies together. Till like last week that used to be my time with her after office when we used to chill and have dinner together and tell each other that we missed each other. I was so happy in my life and suddenly everything has changed. Please suggest how should I react to it. Should I move out to some other place? She wants me to stay with her as she said she is still in love with me and want me to be happy for her as she finally got a guy she feels desired and can have sex. Just to inform she has been a lil depressed lately as she doesn't have a job for past many months. She used to complaint that I kept busy and had little time for her as she is alonebat room whole day. She did not feel desried.
Sounds like your friend wants to have her cake and eat it too... so what do you want and how much compromise do you think you can make? If you are comfortable with the idea of an open relationship, then go for it. By open I mean all 3 of you know that there will be 3 people in the relationship. No lying or sneaking around. However, based on your descriptions it does not sound like you will be happy at all sharing your friend. Then I would suggest you move on, run away as fast as you can. I was in similar situations and I know this is not what you want to hear. But if I were you, I would not wait around for someone to change their mind. If I am not (good) enough for them now, the chances are I never will be. Btw are you from a conservative background/country? I am and I know sometimes it feels like that person is your only option and you will die alone without them. That is not and does not have to be the case.
Thanks a lot Yuanzi for being patient and going through my post. Thanks for your reply. Well yes, India is conservative when it comes to sexual orientation. I anyway knew we not gona end up together, its just that things were going fine and we were into each other till like few days back. It all happened suddenly and i was not mentally prepared for it. However she is trying to comfort me and convince me that i stay with her. May be because she is not yet sure about how long its gona go with that guy. She doesnt want to be alone. Plus she would always say that we are friends first more than anything else. Whatever else is there between us beyond friendship is still there but we should be there for each other as friends no matter what happens. She has definetly supported me a lot as friend and do take care of me all the time. I adore her too and take care of her like a baby. But i cannot ignore the fact that we do make out and love each other. And she initiates most of the time (which turned out to be a negative point for me when recently we talked abt it) she said she never felt desired as most of the time she'd seduce me and made me felt desired. I told her i was hesitant because daily she would talk abt boys so i did not want to over do it or disgust her by touching her all the time. She thought i was talking shit and its not true. Anyway she said she is not apologetic for what she is doing as she always told me she wanted it and because i'm unhappy so she is not able to enjoy with that guy. She said if i had done anything like this to her she would have been happy for me and not show anger even if it hurt her. :/ idk it feels like i'm doing something wrong here.
wow, no u deserve better than this....that is so fuked up and selfish of her...im so sorry this is happening to you..this is my fear of dating a girl who is bi (i kno sum bi girls wouldnt be as fuked as others but still...idk the fear is there..) yea i think u should get away from it, unless like poster above said, ur ok with an open relationship...i was actually thinking about this yesterday, just imagining actually, i had fallen very very deeply for a young lady and she was a virgin...i was thinking yesterday how if we had gotten together how i wouldve handled it when she found a guy she wouldve wanted to experiment with...id be so damn heartbroken, guess its best we went our seperate ways for now...tho i still think about her every day...idk..thats tough but i still say u deserve better, maybe u need to give her time away where she makes up her mind of who she really truely loves and wants to be with...time apart tends to make the heart yearn..
Hey thanks a lot for replying. Yeah i know its fucked up. It gets really difficult to move away from someone u'v got used to. And we care for each other so much, just that she is very practical. We have talked abt it before too abt our future etc. We both knew that she will marry a guy as soon as she finds one and honestly i'm ok with it as i know we dont have any future together. Its different in India. Infact i think of getting married to a guy too sometimes when the fear of being left alone bugs me. I have had sex with a guy before and i was okay with it.. Not disgusted by it at all.. But i also know that i'm not attracted to guys the way i'm to girls. Actually i'm not intrsted in guys at all, but i do get excited by thr parts sometimes. Anyway, i'v started sounding a but fucked up myself i guess phew! Right now, i'm in love with this girl. Idk. I think i'l move out soon. I just dnt like sleeping in my other frnds room when that guy and my gf are together in my room. Well, you are right in saying that one should be vert careful before entering into a relationship with a bi. I think u took d right decision by not dating that girl. Saved from heartbreak.
