is there anything worse than being gay and ugly?

Firstly, never say your life is less valuable or important than someone else's. While it is a damn shame and just terrible what happened to those people in Orlando, your life is worth living.

The first step to finding a boyfriend is finding some confidence. That is a lot coming from me, who definitely lacks confidence. However, I have learned NO ONE is going to be interested in you if you hate yourself. No one wants to date a guy who will constantly say "I'm ugly" or "I'm not important." Unfortunately, we live in a world where those extremely good looking guys aren't going to go out of their way to approach people... most of them can have any guy they want and guys approach them, so why would they go out of their way?

Anyways, you learn that some (if not most) are very down-to-earth guys. What the guy told you is exactly what you have to do... go out, enjoy yourself with your friends, and most importantly take advantage of every moment. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true. Think about those poor people in Orlando; their lives were cut short way too soon and we have to be grateful for every moment we have here on Earth.

I'm a firm believer that boyfriends and relationships come when they are meant to come. If we go out searching and putting TOO MUCH emphasis on finding a boyfriend, we will just look desperate and never find someone. Give it time... be yourself, be social, and you will meet the right guy.

There are going to be guys who will find you attractive and will be into you, I promise. But the first step to finding those guys will be gaining some confidence and realizing how important / special you are. Hope this helped a little.

 

You can be beautiful for yourself and gain confidence. I think clothing and hygiene matters a lot. From your text I would guess that you are bothered by your slim shape. You can change that. Also, training is lots of fun. But even if you have no sixpack: I actually find slim men more attractive than the types who look walking wardrobes.

 

It's more about confidence and presence than how you look sometimes. But, if you feel like your body is not where it should be, he good news is that the body can be changed, as well as how you present it. I used to have some awful self esteem issues, but becoming active in the gym changed all that. I gained confidence, eventually started dressing slightly different due to that confidence. And there are many appealing body types to people. There are many who don't like excessive muscle or abs, some like a skinnier frame, or even a petite guy. There are some who aren't particular whatsoever and having enough confidence to engage them, make them smile, is all that's needed to build attraction. It's not always about the body, it's about your mindset.

 

being a straight guy and ugly perhaps is worse lol...chicks are way more superficial, im a lesbian and fair looking and i cant find a girlfriend cuz girls are so judgy...so yea...could be worse

 

To answer your question, yes there are MANY things that are worse than being gay and ugly. Too many to list.

People say "you're very quiet" or "you're a really nice guy, but..." and many of us perceive them as putdowns - as if it's a bad to be quiet or nice. It really really isn't.

For every person who likes loud, obnoxious or flamboyant : there's someone else out there that likes quiet, contemplative or shy. And trust me, having a partner who resembles one of the latter is much easier and less stressful to live with.

Many have said that self confidence, self assurance, self worth are all attractive to look at, and I have to agree.
But, in my experience as someone who has always been low in all of those attributes, it's not always about gaining those things, it's about releasing or removing the thing that blocks them: FEAR.
e.g.
Fear of what other people think (which is impossible to ever know for sure anyway)
Fear of what someone will say or do (such as rejection)
Fear that someone is being dishonest with you etc

So, I would suggest just trying to be yourself instead of what you think everyone expects of you.
If that's being shy and quiet, try to do it with a smile on your face instead of fear in your eyes.

 

Yes. Being gay and awesome looking and not being able to find a pretty lesbian. That's hell, man.

 

That's a good point.
Being typically "hot" or "good looking" isn't always a walk in the park either. It comes with a whole other bag of horse-poo.
e.g.
* When you go on a date, it's difficult to know if they like you or just like your body or the way you look
* And if they only like the way you look, you know what will happen when your looks fade (with age etc)
* You regularly become a topic of sexual objectification
* People often think you're "too hot for them", won't approach you because you're "too hot" or get nervous when you speak to them
* People expect a lot from you when you're good looking - brains, personality, confidence, money, talent, (cough) endowment etc. Expectations that you can't always fulfill.

In some ways, being "average looking" is a blessing.
It forces you to make friends and lovers with your personality.

 

True, true, true. Amen. But believe me, it is really frustrating (especially for lesbians I'm sure) And sucks even more when you just have to... You know... Go with the least ugly, instead of chasing for the most beautiful.

 

Being "ugly" is a mindset, nothing more. If you feel ugly, you will be perceived as ugly. If you feel handsome, it comes out in the confidence you express, and you will be perceived as handsome.

Work on your self confidence. To improve you self confidence, make your self vulnerable. Do things that your uncomfortable with doing, and when you do them and realize nothing bad happened, your confidence will build.

So that guy you saw, instead of just sitting their staring at him, make yourself vulnerable and go start a discussion with him. A simple, "Hello, how is your evening going" is always a great way to start. no need for fancy pick up lines and no need to pressure yourself to make it more than it is, a simple introduction. Then let the conversation go from there.

he is probably sitting on the other side of the room wondering the same exact thing you are.......

Just yesterday morning, I was on a plane getting ready to sit down. Boarding behind me was an adorable guy that I would have historically felt was completely out of my league. As he approached my row, I put my hand over his shoulder and whispered in his ear how gorgeous he was. He looked at me, smiled, blushed, and went on his way to find his seat. I was not looking for anything more out of that exchange (I am already partnered), but I got the reaction I wanted. I made myself vulnerable and it worked.

 

:lol:yup

 

I know it sounds like a line but confidence really is the sexiest outfit you can wear.Do you really want people looking at you purely for your looks?

 

I have confidence issues I've had acne for years trust me its hard finding someone that doesn't look down on you.
If its about your body you can lightly bulk up and gain muscles wear something you look good in and smile loads.

I have had people turn their noses up at me and now I've stopped trying as my confidence has plummeted to rock bottom I hate the way I look and wish I could change it but nothing I've tried has worked. All the cute lesbians don't even want to know me but then again I think their loss they don't know me for the genuine person I am looks fade and if all you go for is looks then it's a sad situation

 

I like the quiet shy type, but I am taken. If you painted me green I could pass off as an ogre pretty easily. Used to have the short temper to match.

I would say "vanity" is worse. As average certainly is not ugly.

It didn't look like anyone else said it, but the only people you meet in clubs and bars are people who like clubs and bars. That just might not be your thing and forcing yourself to go won't change that. Going with friends to hang out is one thing, but it doesn't have to be the only thing.

You need to change your venue of looking for people. Do you like reading? Start hanging out in libraries and book stores more. Music? Go to record stores or maybe learn to play an instrument. What interests you, nail that down and go to places that cater to those interests.

 

First of all, I think you sound really handsome :3 But that's not important. What is important is that you love YOURSELF. If there's one thing I've learned in my really weird life so far, it's that you need to love yourself before anyone can love you.