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Who grew up in a Small Town/Smaller City and feels Simple/Stupid often?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by RedEyeFlash, Jul 2, 2016.

  1. RedEyeFlash

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    I'm lost. This isn't really an LGBT issue, I feel like it's just an issue. I come from a small town here in Ontario with a wonderful supportive family. We moved to a small city just before I became a teenager but I've remained really close with my family and friends down home. As conservative as they can be, I have been fortunate enough to have everybody's support when I came out and while they aren't marching in parades and waving pride flags for me, they love and support me and any partner's I've brought home to meet them. As I get older, I'm realizing a lot of the small town mentality and simplicity stayed with me. Which I believed to be a good thing until recently. I made a trip to Toronto last night for pride. Was introduced by a friend to many different people who live in the area and, try as I might, I just can't seem to fit in there. The "old-fashioned", "make the best with what you have", "work hard", "keep it simple" attitude that I thought would help me through my life, doesn't seem to work so well when you're the only one in a crowd that lives this way. I can complain about everybody else and call them all neurotic, stuck up, citiots. But I feel like that's not going to make me feel like I fit in any better. It isn't going to make me feel any less stupid or simple in a crowd where I'm potentially supposed to eventually meet "the one" in someday. Anybody else deal with this at all?
     
  2. Gravity

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    I think it's easy to create the dichotomy of small town/big city, but honestly, in my experience at least, not every small town is alike and not every big city is alike. Life can be different in terms of the experiences people have there, and what they consider normal, but it doesn't make everyone the same either.

    The best thing I could probably say is not to put too much pressure on any given place/context. Enjoy the people in Toronto for who and what they are, and enjoy the people back home for who and what they are. Maybe you'll meet someone in Toronto, maybe it will turn out to be someone back home, or it could be someone somewhere else entirely. In the meantime, you've been lucky to have positive experiences in a lot of different types of places, it sounds like. So, enjoy - if nothing else, no matter where you end up, you have another great place to visit on vacations and holidays, right? :slight_smile:
     
  3. yuanzi

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    Working hard, keeping it simple etc has worked out for me pretty well in different settings. You have to realize that people who stick to these principles tend to be much more low-key and harder to spot. It is like in schools you can instantly see the most popular/flashy/unique crowd but you can't assume everyone is like that.

    I also agree with Gravity. I have met many big city folks who are "old-fashioned' by your definition. No need to feel inadequate if you don't fit into a certain group. Maybe you haven't found the right one yet.
     
  4. Invidia

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    Many big city folks look down on people from smaller towns, something that makes me very angry. Me, I'm from a small town. My mannerisms are a bit more like that of a bigger city; I speak clean with barely no accent, I don't partake in the four-wheel culture here or anything, I have a global mindset... but still, I generally prefer the small town. That's what I've come to realize. I often like the people here more, even if xenophobia and the like might be a little more common here, and I would maybe, as a trans person, be better off in a bigger city.

    But yeah, it's easy to generalize. There are lots of nice people wherever you go as long as you're willing to be open and look for them.

    Best of luck to you.
     
  5. crazydog15

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    Yeah, I can sympathize, but I agree with Gravity that it's easy to paint with too broad of a brush when talking about the sizes of places. I'll admit that I am a country mouse from birth. While I did have a number of great experiences in cities growing up, I remember being very confused when a person from a big city asked me my freshman year in college, "What, what do you mean you don't know what gelato is?!" I can laugh about it now, lol. But keep in mind that you will find people like you, and people who aren't like you, in all kinds of places, regardless of size. Here's my main advice: don't classify what you see as "small town" values or mannerisms as being "stupid" or "simple." They just are what they are. Some you may change as you move on in your life, others you won't. And some you'll try to get rid of and then re-embrace later on (like I did with my Southern American-ish twang). If you keep an open mind and be curious about the world, you'll be light years ahead of most "sophisticated" urbanites, and you'll do just fine.

    Best wishes.
     
    #5 crazydog15, Jul 3, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2016