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bpd or smth else?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by korovin, Jul 6, 2016.

  1. korovin

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    ok so i've been having a buncha problems w/ my emotions for a while, as in they decide to go on a rollercoaster now and then and make me think/feel in such extremes. I've gotten better at handling my intrusive thoughts w/ time so i'm not in any real danger and am stable enough to live on my own and do well in uni. it helps that what i study is like my main interest and has honestly helped me get through my lows but u know.

    anyway im still in a place where i dont feel comfortable enough contacting the psychiatry. to go through w/ hrt they need to deem u stable enough and i'm not that good w/ words when it comes to talking so i fear i won't be able to explain that no, there's no danger here. it's more annoying in a sense? like i'm used to having my emotional rollercoaster it's just that i'd probably gain some more freetime if i learned how to handle it even better. and i'm getting my trans diagnosis soon so it shouldn't be that long till it feels safe to contact the psychiatry. and i know they shouldn't really look into each other's journals unless i give them an ok but i can't help but worry that i'd somehow end up pushing hrt even further away.

    so in the meantime i've been trying to figure out why the fuck my emotions can't control themselves and why i also happen to be the master of overreacting whenever smth minor goes wrong. i've had depression, bipolar, and bpd as some options. mostly i feel like bpd fits it's just that i've got a pretty stable sense of self (my like secondary interests can fluctuate a bit and also how i want to present when it comes to clothing but i'm pretty rooted my goals aka physics. the love of my life) and i'm not that fond of acting outwards -- im one of those ppl who internalise every damn thing -- which might be cause i'm afraid of ppls reactions and doing smth wrong. like i've got a big fear of accidentally hurting another.

    what i'm trying to get to is that it would be nice to chat about this w/ someone who's familiar w/ bpd or if anyone knows of smth else it might be? i've read a lot about it on different sites and such but it'd feel good to have a conversation about it u know?
     
  2. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    We have some stuff in common. I'm also undergoing investigation at a gender clinic in Sweden (Stockholm), and I'm also being evaluated for bipolar and BPD (or rather, I'm diagnosed as bipolar for now but that is being reassessed, and I'm being evaluated again for BPD).

    Are you sure about the having to be stable to get hormones thing? Sigh... that's such a stupid thing in that case. I mean, a lot of us are unstable and unhappy because of being in the wrong body and stuff.

    Oh, and really, there isn't much to tell from your above post about whether you have BPD or not. You've said you're moody, can get upset from small things, and you've hinted at the characteristic black-and-white thinking, but quite a lot more is required to get a diagnosis of BPD.
    According to the DSM, Fourth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR), to be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, a person must show an enduring pattern of behavior that includes at least five of the following symptoms:

    - Extreme reactions—including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions—to abandonment, whether real or perceived
    - A pattern of intense and stormy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often veering from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)
    - Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, which can result in sudden changes in feelings, opinions, values, or plans and goals for the future (such as school or career choices)
    - Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating
    - Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting
    - Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days
    - Chronic feelings of emptiness and/or boredom
    - Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger
    - Having stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality.
     
    #2 Invidia, Jul 6, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2016
  3. n3ko

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    to my knowledge (I am open to be corrected), bpd is said to be on the border of psychosis and neurosis in its symptoms and a fear of real or perceived abandonment is the defining characteristic of bpd. since a lot of bpd symptoms are also symptoms of other mental illness, this is something to consider in depth. I have difficulties with emotional regulation, alexithymia and self harm but I am autistic. it is important to know the difference between conditions of the mind can be very minute and only detectable by a professional. but you know yourself, it is positive you are self-reflective and are researching your symptoms.

    it is also very normal experience when you are trans to experience many emotions, if you are going toward speaking with someone about your gender identity it can be an emotional time.

    <3
     
  4. korovin

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    Invida: yea, it seems to differ a lot which gender clinic u go to. the one i stockholm seems to be more chill than the one in uppsala honestly but since i study in uppsala it seemed the easiest to go to that one.

    and i often have a trouble w/ such lists because i'm not always sure what "counts" so to speak. like the first one, i haven't really dealt that much w/ abandonment but did go to a very bad place when me and my ex broke up. i do fear abandonment though, and have recurring fears of fucking up relationships and friendships.

    i do do that thing where i can switch from idealisation to dislike very easily, and just as easily get feelings of friends "hating" me even though i do know these things aren't true.

    it's always troublesome figuring these things out when it comes to experiencing things different that what's "normal" because i don't really know how other people experience emotions and all that.




    n3ko: i'm aware that a lot of the symptoms i exhibit fit other diagnoses too, which is why i'm trying to really figure this out. i'll probably look more into similar personality and mood disorders than i have so far. and my plan is to contact the psychiatry as soon as i get my trans diagnosis and go on HRT! so my plan isn't to figure this out all on my own but while waiting trying to figure out what it could be.



    and thx to both of u btw!!
     
  5. n3ko

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    oh no I totally understood that you were just trying to figure out what it could be while waiting. as I said, self-reflection and research is a positive thing. you will be better equipped this way when you do refer to a psychiatrist.