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I get more nervous talking to the gender I'm NOT attracted to. Anyone else do that?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by DragonsInSpace, Jul 7, 2016.

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  1. DragonsInSpace

    DragonsInSpace
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    Hi. So it's been a while since I last made a thread but I realised something and I was wondering if anyone else experiences this or has any insight.

    I'm pretty sure I'm gay. Or at least, mostly gay. Kinsey 5 or so, I think. I'm attracted to women, sometimes to the odd guy but it's rare and is usually just aesthetic attraction. But despite this I find that I get pretty awkward and nervous around dudes and less so around women. If I'm talking to a girl I'm attracted to I might stumble over my words a bit but I'm usually fine whereas if I'm talking to a guy - even a guy who isn't particularly attractive - I'm more likely to be a bit more nervous around him. This usually happens with strangers though, like if I talk to him more often that goes away and I'm fine.

    I just assumed that since I'm into women wouldn't I feel like that around them rather than guys? I'm just curious really, wondering if anyone else is like that: gets nervous around the gender they aren't attracted to. Most of my friends are girls, maybe that has something to do with it? I'm not around a lot of guys very often.
     
    #1 DragonsInSpace, Jul 7, 2016
  2. PerdHapley

    PerdHapley
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    Re: I get more nervous talking to the gender I'm NOT attracted to. Anyone else do tha

    I do! Tends to be because I am worried there's something there. I used to feel more comfortable around the opposite sex when I was younger but as I got older and people's minds started to shift towards relationships I got more and more nervous around the opposite sex. I kind of shied away from them. When I don't think about it, it's not a problem though. And like you, the more I talk the more it goes away.

    Try not to over think it! Nerves can happen for all kinds of reasons. You sound quite shy around men.
     
    #2 PerdHapley, Jul 7, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2016
  3. DragonsInSpace

    DragonsInSpace
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    Re: I get more nervous talking to the gender I'm NOT attracted to. Anyone else do tha

    Glad to see I'm not the only one then! I too used to be more comfortable around guys when I was younger. Most of my friends back in primary school were boys. I see what you're saying about people's minds shifting towards relationships. I think that's when I became more nervous around them too, I'm afraid of coming across as being interested in them even though I'm usually not at all (heteronormativity ugh) so I end up being awkward. Who knows really.

    I'll do my best not to over think things, I do tend to be kinda shy around new people though regardless of their gender. It just seems to be worse around men for whatever reason. :/ Thanks for chiming in though!
     
    #3 DragonsInSpace, Jul 7, 2016
  4. NoXsOrOs

    NoXsOrOs
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    Re: I get more nervous talking to the gender I'm NOT attracted to. Anyone else do tha

    Same, as I don't date other genders besides male/female It can get pretty awk.
     
    #4 NoXsOrOs, Jul 7, 2016
  5. Nordland

    Nordland
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    Re: I get more nervous talking to the gender I'm NOT attracted to. Anyone else do tha

    Same with me.
     
    #5 Nordland, Jul 7, 2016
  6. Brytaleith

    Brytaleith
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    Re: I get more nervous talking to the gender I'm NOT attracted to. Anyone else do tha

    I'm asexual and get nervous when talking to everyone. Does that count? :grin:

    Anyway, yeah, it sounds like this probably has something to do with society's expectations about relationships. Like, a lot of people still assume straight unless proven otherwise, and so male-female interactions are assumed to be flirting and stuff. I, too, get kind of nervous when talking to boys because there's a higher chance that they'll think I'm flirting when I'm not. Heteronormativity works against you in such ways :frowning2:
     
    #6 Brytaleith, Jul 7, 2016
  7. DragonsInSpace

    DragonsInSpace
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    Re: I get more nervous talking to the gender I'm NOT attracted to. Anyone else do tha

    I think you hit the nail on the head there, that's probably what it is.
     
    #7 DragonsInSpace, Jul 8, 2016
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