I'm turning 26 tomorrow and i'm not very happy with my life so far. I haven't been with anyone yet, not even a kiss, still confused about my sexuality and nowhere near an answer. My mum always tell me that i have all the time in the world, that it will come. But I'm someone who doesn't like surprises, who likes to have everything figured out. I like when things are clear, defined, I'm actually someone who like labels so it kills me not to have one myself and it really gets me down sometimes. I've also been out of a job for quite some tome so that doesn't make things better either, I kinda of feel like a failure and ironically i think i'm afraid of success too (because of everything it would change in my life). Anyway that's where I am right now, every year of my birthday hoping that things will be totally different next year. Don't know if i make any sense, but it feels good to write this down, thanks for reading
Hi BelleLey, I'm sorry that you're feeling down. I wouldn't worry about not having had much experience. I didn't have my first kiss until my early 20s, and I know it feels like everyone else has done it, but in reality they all haven't and you're not alone. Also, I know that long term unemployment can be very frustrating, depressing, and ruin your self-esteem. Do you do any volunteering? I'm sure it will all work itself out in time. Why don't you think about where you want to be this time next year and make a plan? No surprises then! Enjoy your birthday tomorrow!
You can't plan for the unknown but it's easy to plan for nothing at all. Maybe your problem is just that, you like to have plans in place but you don't like surprises and unknowns so you just plan out a very safe course where nothing ever changes. You're planning to be unhappy! Maybe the reason that you can't make plans for a happy future of success is because you don't know what that actually is for you. Not knowing what you have to gain is made even more worrying when you know what you have to lose. I would suggest setting yourself some time to do nothing else but come up with some goals for yourself. Thinking only about what you want in life to be truly happy. Imagine yourself in that life and simplify it down to the two or three most important factors that make it what it is. Those factors should become your new main life goals. If you think this will help, do some research on setting effective goals and targets to make sure it's a positive approach that works well for you. In the short term set small aims for happiness, such as visiting the theatre or joining the gym or cooking for friends etc. - whatever it is that helps to make your life happy now, do it more often. Encouraging yourself to feel happy and successful more often will help you to focus on your greater goals.
Thanks for the replies, I do try to set sometimes goals for myself but I always end up losing motivation, I guess I just have to try harder. You are right Calf I don't like change at all which pretty much sums up my problem, one of them anyway.
If it is of any consolation I am 30 and still have no idea what I want to do in life and just figured out my sexuality this year. Well, I am beginning to get some sort of a vague idea of what kind of job I want (I want to work with animals (or people)) and like you I am unemployed and have been for two years. I know how that feels and since I am about to move to another city I can't even look for a job right now, but the move is still several months ahead. So I am looking at being unemployed until Christmas at least. If you have any hobbies, spend time on them so you feel like you are achieving something. I recently bought a camera and am having a ton of fun running around taking pictures. I have several other hobbies I tend to as well and this is important if all your friends work during the day/have families and are busy with them. In the end, success is not even about careers or partners but about how much you enjoy life and how much good you do in the world. Well that is my opinion, at least. You only get one life after all, don't waste it worrying too much or comparing yourself to others. (Still working on learning to take my own advice there. :lol
