I just want to share a strange experience and see if people know what I mean. For about a month now I've considered myself gay, after never considering it before. When I figured my deal was girls, I didn't really understand a lot of the straight guy mentality. I never got the point of anything physical, either actions or appearance. I had one girl friend who just stood out as an awesome person, but we kissed and cuddled and whatever because it was expected and because I figured she was getting something out of it. I never was convinced that I liked girls in general, I just liked her specifically. Now that I've... encountered and considered evidence, from which I've concluded that I'm gay, I'm suddenly obsessed with the idea of romance. I'm reading stupid love stories, and I'm completely stuck on the idea of having a guy to hug and hold and cuddle. When I "didn't have a girl" I was fine with that, but now that I "don't have a guy" it suddenly seems like a problem even though nothing really changed. Basically, it seems I missed the boat on attraction and loneliness until I figured out I was gay, at which point those aspects of the human experience suddenly became very important. I'm not whining, I just find the whole thing fascinating. Did this happen to anyone else as they figured things out?
I can definitely relate to that. I didn't have any idea that I was queer until I was well into high school and never really accepted it until I got into college. I never had any strong romantic or sexual feelings for people until I had this liberations and now I feel like an awkward 13 year old stumbling over anyone that I have even the slightest thing in common with.
I can relate, though I am younger. I felt like I had to like girls because I was a guy, it's just what people did, right? I'd never really given the fact I might be gay much thought, but when I did, it made so much sense to me. Now I've had this crush for over 5 months and I still feel tingly inside whenever I see him. Never felt that way with a girl.
I can completely relate. I always wondered why the other girls had the ability to talk about boys for so long and with such enthusiasm. I joined in at first, subconsciously thinking that perhaps I just needed to "get myself into it" and force(with out realizing,) myself to join the conversations in order to become as obsessed as they appeared to be. I thought I was straight but just didn't care. After a while I realized that my obsessions over women were actually crushes. I began thinking over and over: "what's happening? Am I... turning gay?" however, I did a lot of introspection and recognized that there had been signs everywhere throughout my whole life. It is indeed fascinating, albeit sad that my brain seemed to make up excuses any time I was drawn to a woman - asserting that they were simply another 'admiration', therefore not anything worth questioning.
ahaha so I'm not alone on this one! When I was younger and all my friends were obsessing over boys and getting boyfriends I had zero interest in it all and had no idea what the fuss was about! But like you, when I finally realised that it was girls that I liked, I suddenly became fixated on the idea of being with a woman romantically. It's such a funny phase to be in. I feel like I'm only now feeling like I should've been feeling when I was 11! For so many years I just resigned myself to the fact that I was this kid who enjoyed my own company so much I didn't need anyone else in my life. Also whenever marriage was talked about I was so against the whole idea (I just couldn't understand why a girl in their right mind would want to marry a man). Hahah I felt like I was the only one with a brain. But since realising I was gay, I actually would love to get married to a woman some day.
