I have been seeing a colleague for a few months now And haven't told anyone . We see each other each day at work, see each other twice a week outside of work, text every night and supposedly were madly in love with each other and the plan was to move forward despite what his friends and family thought since I am older than him. Whenever we see each other we have an intense mutual desire. Moving on, I came back from my vacation and he announced that we couldn't be together and that he wanted to be alone and couldn't fathom being in a relationship. That he loved me but he didn't want to hurt me since everything is lined up against us and doesn't want to be in a relationship. Fast forward to 2 days later, he tells me that the reason he wants to be alone is that he slept with a another guy. He is disgusted with himself and vomited all day after he did it and doesn't know why he did. He already told me he kissed a guy a few years back to know if he was gay but didn't enjoy it but now he does this. I told him if he's confused that he should speak to someone and that I still adore him. I was upset at first because he betrayed me and didn't know what to think. I asked him of he enjoyed it (he was given a bj) and he said yes but didn't orgasm. I asked him if would do it again and he said he probably won't see his friend again. I don't know what to think. I am trying to help him and will always be there for him despite the outcome. He says he's confused and doesn't want to be gay. That he hates himself but still loves me and is attracted to me. We Had sex and told each other that we loved each other and both said we can't detach but he said I should start hating him since he is flaky. Has anyone been through what he's going through?
It sounds like a really confusing situation for you both. He sounds like he's really in denial about what he want and feels. Only he will be able to answer that unfortunately, but he could well be on the bisexual spectrum somewhere. I'm sure having your support, even if just as a friend will mean a lot. I haven't been through what he is going through, but I can relate. I spent a few years going back and forth before I finally came to terms with my bisexuality (And if I'm honest I'm still not quite there yet). Basically I would find myself attracted to someone, then freak out over it and push back the other way. I tried to push more towards men, but I felt wrong doing it, and it really messed with my head. It wasn't until I accepted that I was bisexual that I was able to be comfortable dating anyone - male or female. He's probably feeling a lot of self hatred and internalised homophobia. Try to show him that being confused and freaking out is not the same thing as being flaky. Try not to put too much pressure on him for a relationship. He needs to figure out his own feelings first I think, although that is your choice and his. Also, not liking kissing one guy doesn't make him not gay, just not into that guy. There's no excuse for cheating in my opinion, but you can try to understand someones motivations. Encourage him to talk to you or a trusted friend about how he feels. This is rarely a quick process. How do you feel about what he has done and everything? It can be very hard to be with someone who has broken your trust. Sorry if any of this is out of line.
