I just need a place to vent ( ignore if you want )

I'm so friggin pissed right now. This is complete crap and yet another shining example in my life of how little my efforts matter and how my life is always going to bite me right in the ass no matter what I do! >.<

So basically I moved to Wisconsin with my "Boyfriend" and a roommate. The idea being that I could be with my boyfriend and our roommate would be away from his abusive parents whom he was still living with at the time.

We had the rent paid up five months in advance and all me and my roommate had to do was get a job once we got here. My "boyfriend" already had two jobs at the time. Well...

In that time my "boyfriend" lost both of his fucking jobs, got a third and then got fired from that one too because who the fuck knows why! >.<

My roommate never even got a job in the first place, and disappeared for two months because his parents basically kidnapped him, and he's finally gonna be back on Tuesday but that doesn't really fucking matter at this point.

We're behind on rent. We had this shit paid up five fucking months in advance and now we're fucking behind and thanks to being behind we owe an additional 5 bucks for every day it goes unpaid which has stacked up to a nice 65 already.

I'm the only one here with a job anymore and I cannot afford it on my own! I'm trying my best I'm not only working a fulltime fucking job, but now I'm taking writing commissions every chance I get to make extra money and I just can't fucking do this. WTF!?

I'm doing everything right on my end. I got a fucking job, I'm taking extra work, I manage my money pretty fucking well and it's amounted to "Fuck you we don't care what you do, you need to be fucked over for just existing" >.>

GEEZE!

GAH!


This is so fucking bullshit man.

I dunno what the hell to do anymore. If somebody in this fucking place doesn't get a job we're all gonna be homeless as fuck pretty soon.


and the saddest part about all of this was that I left home in order to be with my "Boyfriend" but that turned out to be a bad joke too. He's far more interested in chatting online with people than anything else, and I get that I'm the same way, but I try and I make time for hanging out with him and shit, but all he wants to do is rp online all the damn time and we don't cuddle, or snuggle, I mean fucking hell I think it's been months since the last time we even kissed >.<

We aren't a fucking couple we're just fucking roommates who are trapped in a pretend relationship which is bullshit FUCK EVERYTHING MAN!

 

Not really looking to go home with my tail between my legs like some kinda failure ;_;

---------- Post added 18th Jul 2016 at 08:40 PM ----------

Well you need money for that which I don't have at the moment ^^"

I think maybe it'll be okay. A Job opening became available where I work and I kept pressuring my "boyfriend" to apply there and call back and stuff and he just took a skills assessment test today so I'm hoping they hire him, and because it'll be where I work I'll be able to look at his schedule and stuff and make sure he's doing what he's supposed to

 

Well I mean I like to imagine he's stressed out about rent too, but really I've even kept that to myself. I just pressure him a lil to get a job because I kinda had to. He just wants to stay home and play video games all day and chat online ;_;

I know maybe this is stupid, but I don't want to have to tell him. Like I'm not asking for something crazy here just standard couples stuff that is supposed to be default. I shouldn't need to ask or request that...and for awhile I was trying to drop hints and stuff and I get really affectionate towards him, but after a good while of putting 100% in and getting nothing back for the effort I just kinda got tired of it and gave up.

 

Eh I'm not good at the whole 'talking about stuff' thing. It's not really easy for me it never has been. I'm quiet anti-social nervous wreck of a human being who can barely manage the most basic of greetings in passing without feeling nervous how am I supposed to actually talk something out with someone? =/

I get the need for communication, but there isn't like really any way for me to ease into that kinda talk.

 

That sounds really awkward and uncomfortable. I'mt not going to lie to you. I'm not sure I could do that I'd probably just have a panic attack about it. Can't I just hold everything in until it kills me like I normally do?


I get that communication is important, but I'm not sure what I'd even want to say, and when I think about it really it sounds pathetic anyways. It all boils down to I feel completely alone and like I've been left out to deal with everyone's problems, but I'm getting nothing back in return. I still feel just as alone today as I did before I left to be with him.

I guess it's been nearly a year that we've been physically together and 2-3 years we've known each other online.

 

I dunno if I could, I'd probably die of a heart attack if I tried ;_;

 

*just now saw this*

No...I haven't tried that ;_;