So first off I'm 28 years old and have been single most of my life and up until a 4-5 years ago mostly resorted to masturbating. I've been hooking up and I have this issue where I have a difficult time staying hard like we'll start making out and embracing each other and I get so hard but once I get a rim job I go soft and sometimes have a difficult time getting hard again. Or I start blowing him and I get soft and it takes me time to get super hard again. I rarely ejaculate too and if I do I'm on my back and I stiffen my legs in order for me to cum. This is frustrating and damages my self esteem at times and I could use some help or advice. On a side note, I try to stay healthy and work out as often as I can and when I stay in routine I notice I perform better sexually. But when I'm working two jobs at the same time this can be difficult to maintain and exhausts me, is this contributing to my problem????
Hi, and welcome to EC! You don't have erectile dysfunction, at least not in the way that a drug is going to solve it. The fact that you have strong erections when you're making out means that the equipment is workign properly, and what the drugs do is address physical limitations in blood flow, so it's unlikely they'd do much for you. (Nevermind the fact that the drug companies have no interest in sharing this info, as they'd rather get $7 from you every time you have sex.) So almost certainly what's going on here is a disconnect between what your conscious wants and what your unconscious is OK with, and perhaps simple physical tiredneess. Our bodies will eventually say "no" when we won't say it for them. One question is how long have you been out? And what went on with your family/surroundings? Did you get strong messages that it's OK to be gay? Or did you get more negative messages? Many people don't realize that sexual arousal is a combination of physiology and psychology. In your case, it sounds like the physiology is fine, so somewhere there's some message, either "this doesn't feel safe" or "I'm not sure I deserve this" or "Doing this impacts my view of myself" or something like that. Of course... most of the time, those messages aren't conscious; you may be consciously loving what's happening, but deeper down, the thoughts are there from earlier in life and undermining. There are other explanations, but this is by far the most common one. If any of this resonates, please feel free to elaborate and perhaps there are some suggestions we can offer to help out.
