So, I haven't been properly diagnosed, but I suffer from panic attacks, worry about things that I probably shouldn't, and get stressed out a lot, which leads me to believe that I have some sort of anxiety disorder. I want to get checked out sometime in the future, but my parents had a very negative reaction when my brother was diagnosed with depression and had to see a therapist. They see him as a failure that's unable to support himself. But being a high school student means that I need their approval in order to see a psychologist to get some help, and then, there's money that could be used for something else. I believe therapy will help me cope with this anxiety I feel. And this anxiety leads to intrusive thoughts that I worry about constantly, no matter how big of a threat they are. For example, thoughts about my death scare me to no end. And there was a time when all I could think about was what it's like to be dead, will I make some sort of impact on the world before I die, the timer that's constantly running out, and other thoughts like that. It's an endless spiral, and since it's in my head, I can't seem to escape it. It got to the point where I was terrified to check a clock to see how much time had passed, and I cried a lot. Eventually, I found something else to worry about, but these thoughts come back to haunt me from time to time. In addition, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. Whenever I feel some sort of pain, I always begin to worry about what could go wrong. I do a lot of research into whatever symptoms I'm feeling to see if I can get a general idea of what's going on. I know that obsessing over little things like these is very bad for my health, but I feel like I need to. Speaking of health, I've always had a very weak stomach. I'm fine seeing gore and whatnot, but a lot of the time, I get very stressed about something, and my stomach seems to lock up. It's impossible for me to eat during these times because I feel like if I eat, I'll throw up. In fact, I do throw up often when I get stressed which makes my parents very angry. I've tried to explain to them that I think this nausea is caused by anxiety and stress, but they just get even angrier and tell me that it's ridiculous to throw up like that. I try to get the point across that I don't like throwing up. I'm not making myself do it. They don't understand. Recently, I've just been at a loss of what to do. I've been feeling sick to my stomach and nauseous a lot which is making my parents upset. Whenever they get upset, this triggers more anxiety and makes everything worse. And then, that anxiety triggers a lot of intrusive thoughts about little things going wrong. I'm feeling depressed because I feel like my parents will think I'm some sort of freak. They already didn't like it when I came out to them when I told them I like both men and women. (I don't even want to imagine what it would be like to come out as trans... ) Add going to therapy for anxiety on top of that. I'm sorry for the wall of text and if I rambled on a lot. I'm just looking for any sort of advice. Any coping mechanisms for anxiety or words of wisdom would be much appreciated.
Hi Athexant. I'm sorry that you are having a hard time and that your parents aren't supporting you in this context. Is there anyone like a guidance counselor or trusted teacher you could reach out to at school?
OMG I am so sorry to hear of things you are going through! It reminds me of my childhood and adolescence in that I was constantly depressed because I knew I would never be able to come out and live up to my parents expectations. "... will I make some sort of impact on the world before I die, the timer that's constantly running out ... " tells me that you fear that you can't be what your parents want you to be. You definitely need a psychologist but if you are unable to see one right now, then be brave, try to get along with your parents as conflicting and trying to prove something they don't like may lead to further complications but as soon as you're old enough you need to see a specialist and of course try to get a job and your own place. If you have endless negative thoughts then breathe, larger proportion of carbon dioxide in your body will lead to cycling thoughts so you need more oxygen but not to the point you get dizzy. Try breathing with your abdomen, google "How to Do Abdominal Breathing", chest breathing can make you more anxious. This will also help with your stomach problems as it will kind of massage your abdomen area. Imagine meadows, oceans or something that makes you happy. Avoid horror movies and such, even though we think we're ok with it, on a deeper level it's a huge stress for our mind. When our mind can't cope with stress on its own it will engage nerves in our belly area to handle extra load that's why we get stomach problems when we are overstressed. So no movies with violence or anything like that, you have enough stress in your life no need to add more. Be brave, be smart and one day you will look back and realize that these things made you a stronger person.
