I'm pretty sure I just lost the only person who was preventing my suicide, and I am trying desperately now to cling on to anything that will give me any reason to live. Everybody I care about gets blocked off from me somehow and it's making me feel more and mor unwilling to live. I have a mom I never see, a therapist I never see, and 2 friends who have been taken away because of sad things that I cannot control. I feel alone. I know I have nothing left to live for, so how can I keep living?
Don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. (*hug*) I do want to make sure you're going to be okay though. To answer your initial question, you find another reason for yourself. It was my survival technique for a while. And I don't mean like a specific person, sometimes it's the little things. For me, I had, "Paramore is coming out with a new album soon, I have to stay alive for that," or "My piano recital is coming up at the end of the year and I'm the most advanced student, I can't let my teacher down," and various other things. You can't rely on people only because they aren't inside your head and can't feel every emotion as you feel it. But again, that's just day to day survival for when the going gets really rough. Once you start to feel a little better, you make bigger goals for yourself, and the future starts to open up a little bit. It's not much, but that's the best advice I can give. It's mostly from personal experience. If you ever need anybody to talk to, please feel free to send me a message. I may not be able to give you a hug in real life, but I'd be more than happy to be a listening ear and a buddy for you. Take care!
Your life is precious not only to you but to other people as well. If you think you have no reason to live then try and make or find one. Remember you only live once, people die everyday and you have the luck to be alive. Stay strong and of course alive.