I don't even know where to start. Well, I am a 28 yo dude, who works in an educational center. This place where I work is divided into two parts, I work in the outer part of that room, to describe this in a way. And this guy "I know" works in the inner part. This guy must be about five years younger than me. He is about my same height or a bit taller. Well, I've been working at this place for almost four years, in something related to math. This other guy is relatively new since he has been working there for about two years, I believe since I am not completely sure. He works in something related to English. Since he started working there I found him somewhat good looking and friendly but I never considered him as a potential romantic partner since he seemed straight and very masculine, although I have to admit I felt a strange, if minimal, vibe from him. Even though we could be considered coworkers our areas of work are totally unrelated, we have separate bosses and since we work at separate parts of a big room, we don't see each other that much. I usually see him when he clocks in or out, or when he goes to the restroom, since he has to pass through the outer part of the room on his way out to the restroom. This part may seem irrelevant to this story but it is not at all, this guy goes to the restroom a lot and on his way out we look at each other sometimes. At first I used to think this was just a coincidence, we rarely talk, only to say hi or bye but lately things started getting a bit weird. And all of this is very recent, despite having worked there together for the past two years, I'd say this is happening for the last few months. We look at each other for a bit longer than usual, he used to smile every time he greeted me but sometimes he is just serious or even avoids looking at me, or even greeting me. I think this might have been started by me, I have to admit I am somewhat unstable emotionally and whenever I don't feel well I avoid looking at people in their eyes. I don't know if that had something to do with his behavior towards me. I suffer from depression and anxiety but I have been taking some pills that help to control all of that. Well back to the issue, over time I have started to feel more attracted to this guy, he seems to be nice and in general a very good person, besides I have noticed this guy is indeed very good looking but I hadn't noticed tht since at first I didn't consider him as part of my available options, thinking he was straight, or maybe he is straight I am not sure. During the last two weeks I was feeling in a much better mood thanks to the pills so I decided to make my glances more intentional. I think he did exactly the same thing, though I have to admit sometimes I fear that this perception might be just an illusion or hallucination coming from my wishful thinking. However, two things happened that made me doubt that. As I've mentioned before this guy tends to go to the restroom a lot, a few times at the same time I would go, that gave me the impression he maybe wanted to go at the same time I did, maybe it was just a coincidence. But even a coworker recently mentioned "didn't this guy just went to the restroom two seconds ago" hahaha. Me and this guy had been both looking at each other or avoiding gazes. But the second to last day I saw him he really seemed to try going to the restroom at the same time I went to but it was full of people, when I came out from there he passed again nearby. That is what made me think that maybe this guy was trying to tell me something so the next day, the last day I saw him, is when things got interesting. That was the last day for both since we are all at work going on vacation for a couple of weeks. I didn't see this guy that day at all, except for when I was clocking out, I said good bye to everyone and I made sure to be smiling when I said goodbye to him and all his English coworkers, although I just looked at him when doing that, and I looked at him way longer than usual and again with a big smile on my face. He returned a great smile as if he was truly happy, which made me just as happy to be honest. While I was on my way out, saying goodbye bye to one of my math coworkers I saw this guy coming out of the room at the same time I did, he was in front of me though. I thought that was a bit strange, he kept walking ahead of me without looking at me. Even though I was wondering what was he trying to do, I turned left since I needed to go to the restroom and to my surprise he followed me there. I couldn't focus on peeing while I was in there, he was peeing too, him at a urinal, me at a stall. When I came out from the stall to wash my hands he was washing his already. He looked at me one more time and as he left he said "peace out" despite having said goodbye a bit before at the room where we work. I was a bit nervous and all I was able to say was a timid and not very easy to hear "see you" since my native language is not English my diction can be hard to understand sometimes, especially when I am nervous, and I have a very deep voice that makes it hard to understand too. Well, all of this made me think that this guy might be interested just as much as I am. I would like your opinion on that, though. I wanted to ask him about that but I didn't had the balls to ask him on time before he left the restroom. I have the impression he left thinking I didn't want to deal with this situation at the moment or that I might be still repressing my homosexuality, I am not out but I am not denying it either. I tried to see if I could see him again on his way out after leaving work since he clocks out an hour after me, but I didn't see when he went outside. I felt a bit desperate and frustrated about all this so I decided to search for him on Facebook even though I only knew his first name. I had a really tough time finding him but I did after an hour, we have no friends in common and despite that I decided to send him a friend request. I know I must look like a damn stalker or creep but I didn't know how to reach him. I know this was a stupid mistake. I sent him a message too just asking if he was the guy from work, I am a complete idiot. He hasn't responded either to my message or my request in more than three days and I am wondering if I did something wrong. He hasn't cancelled my request either since my request has not changed from awaiting confirmation to send request once again. But now honestly I have no clue what the heck should I do. Any advice will be more than welcome. Thanks for your attention in advance and for your patience since this is such a long ass post.
C'mon people I need your help in this one. I can't judge appropriately about what to do since I am biased and I don't have the slightest idea of what to do.
There is really nothing here that suggests to me that he is gay or interested. I think most of what you have stated are just manifestations of you wanting it to happen. I think trying to message him on facebook or talk to him are the most you can do at this stage, but if he doesn't want to reciprocate I would suggest moving on. p.s. I think the reason you are getting such few replies are that this is just one huge chunk of text which is very tough to read.
I agree with this. All I got from what you posted is that he's just trying to be professional in the workplace. At lease from my experiences as an educator it's common courtesy to greet/say hi to other staff members.
I would mostly agree with you if it wasn't for what happened the last day. I think I need to explain that better. If I thought that some of the other things might be coming from my head what happened on the last day was definitely not my imagination. I am completely sure about that. This guy decided he wanted to come outside at the same time I was leaving if he suspected that I a was a creep interested in him he would have avoided going the same way I was going or even wait and hold it for just a minute until I was gone. He went ahead of me just a few steps forward and when I turned left he was heading to a totally different direction, he changed his path and started following to the restroom. I must mention this wasn't the same restroom where we usually coincide but a different one further away from the room where we work at. Once there I had a hard time starting to pee since I felt his presence nearby and I got a bit shy. He was standing at a urinal nearby. I wasn't purposely paying attention but I could hear him pee and the amount he peed was clearly minimal. That suggested me he really didn't need to go to the restroom. I have heard him pee before and he always pees way more than just that. Once I went to wash my hands he was already washing his. I avoided eye contact all this time since I was somewhat nervous and while I was at the stall I sighed, maybe a bit loudly since I could not pee. I personally think he did all of this to grab my attention since he followed me all the way to the restroom. He had no need to say good bye again, or even look at me in the eyes, it was a somewhat long gaze. You guys might think I am exaggerating but if there is something I can tell for you is that he purposely followed me to the restroom, there are some details that are hard to describe but if you pay close attention to them you can know you are been followed. I know this because since I live in an area that is not considered very safe I always need to watch my back. ---------- Post added 10th Aug 2016 at 08:16 PM ---------- Now with respect to the facebook stuff, that was a dumb mistake. He hasn't accepted my friend request, he hasn't read my private message either. I know private messages are harder to see if you are not friends with the person on Facebook. Maybe he hasn't logged in since there but that is highly unlikely. He hasn't posted anything though. I want to let him know that I acknowledge adding him on facebook was a social misstep. We don't each others names. Or we haven't presented each other properly yet. I know his name since I have heard his coworkers call him one way. Thanks to that info I was able to find him on facebook but it took me about an hour to finally see him. We don't have any friends in common so I know that looks even creepier. I've been thinking whether or not I should cancel my friend request but I don't know if that would look even weirder. If I could go back in time I would not have added him. Preferably I would have stopped him at the restroom that day to tell him if we could talk so we could clarify some things, at least for me. But I simply didn't have the balls to do that at the moment. I've been thinking that if he doesn't add me on facebook before we come back from vacations I might have to go after him at the restroom alone and do just that, talk to him to clarify al of this and in case I was misreading those mixed signals then apologize to him for making things awkward and let him know I wouldn't continue doing anything related to this matter, I would just say hi and bye as usual so I don't seem rude, disrespectful or with any hard feelings. What do you guys think? Especially I want to do all of this as tactfully as possibly so I don't look like a creep or stalker and let him know I won't try to keep pursuing him. Any suggestions people?
The Facebook part - in my eyes - is the least stalkery part of your stories. Unless things are quite different in your country and/or city, I don't think that 'friend requesting' a work colleague on Facebook is terribly taboo. Especially considering the considerable amount of time you seemly spend around each other. Would you have felt weird or offended if he friend requested you out of the blue like that? As long as your private message didn't have anything too intense or weird in it, it should be okay I think. Still, none of the events you described point to him having a strong physical or romantic attraction to you. Out of curiosity, what would you do IF you found out with 100% certainty that he was gay AND interested in you? Would you ask him out on a date? Also, IF HE WAS going to the bathroom to "hook up" with you, would you really want that? It sounds kind of creepy and stalkery for his part.
I would suggest to not even bother acknowledging the Facebook situation if he doesn't bring it up. Things may or may not have been made awkward from it and trying to bring it up face-to-face could and probably might just make the situation more socially uncomfortable.
Thanks mangotree for your reply. You brought some interesting points. I think I would not have felt offended at all if he added me on Facebook in fact I would be pleasantly surprised. I would just be curious how he was able to find me since I think he doesn't know my name, or have any friends in common but I would still feel glad he added me. But that is just me, I don't know how other people would react to that since I seem to have a kinda dysfunctional perspective on social norms. My private message was just asking if he was indeed the guy from work at the English section, that was it. I know that for what I have described his attraction for me doesn't sound evident, is just the way he looks at me sometimes that makes me feel otherwise, I think he is down low so he is careful with his glances. I am the exact same way. I tend to look only when no one else but him is close to me, except for my glance the last day, I gave zero fucks that day. If I found out he was gay and interested in me I would definitely ask him on a date. If he wanted a "hook up" I think it would be likely I would decline. Not because I see hooking up as a bad thing, I have hooked up with tons of guys but because I have already started developing romantic feelings towards him and when than happens for me is hard to feel anything else, even if I find the person sexually attractive, which I do. I would decline because I wouldn't like to have something just based in sex and nothing else. For what I have seen on his facebook he doesn't give me the impression he would be that interested on that. There it says he is single but interested in women, he seems to be just as liberal as I am, and he seems very progay. He also seems to have been single for a very long time, I can't see any pics of him with a girl and all his photos are public but he might be just a very liberal straight guy, he seems very masculine either way. Now here I am sounding stalkerish again but most of his profile is public. I had to look for some clues. Well anyways thank you very much for your advice mangotree. ---------- Post added 10th Aug 2016 at 10:41 PM ---------- Killswitch0029, you are totally on point on that. I won't mention anything at all about facebook. If he asks me about that I will test the waters to see if I come clean with this or just play it down pretending I am just a friendly dude.
I know no one is probably reading this but just an update, the guy I was talking about has posted two things already but he has not responded to me in any way, so I guess this is it. Damn I was feeling happy thinking I had finally found love for the first time in my life. I am 28 years old already, about to turn 29, and still have not been able to find someone who reciprocates my love. This is so depressing however now more than ever I have to learn not to be pray of my wishful thinking.
