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Reconnection what do I do?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Col, Aug 11, 2016.

  1. Col

    Col
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    A couple years ago I sort of came out of the closet when I fell for one of my lesbian friends. Couple months into our friendship I finally decided to let her know how I felt. She let me know that night that she did not feel the same way. At the time this took place we were at a party at her apartment and I ended up staying the night at her place. This is were the confusion starts. We ended up passing out in her bed together and then she acted very normal about it.

    At the time I did not read to much into, but then we started to hang out much more frequently than before. She started coming over to my house and I would cook and we would have dinner and watch movies and she would end up spending the night in my bed. She would come up with silly excuses like her bed was not comfortable or it was a little to hot in her place to sleep at her house. Not knowing how much this would affect me I let her do it. We would sleep very close to each other and sometimes cuddle. I was falling even more for her. We would text, talk about almost everything. Everytime I would discuss with her how I felt for her she would change the subject. Eventually we started spending so much time together I started feeling very suffocated. I did not like that everything was dictated on her terms. We would be home and it was about us, we would be out and it was like I sometimes did not exist. I was her safety blanket until she found someone she really wanted. I would find ways to avoid her, but sometimes she would just show up. I didn't understand this what's over she did not want to have a relationship with me but was clearly having one.

    This back and forth lasted a couple months up until she met someone and completely broke my heart. We met up again a month or so later at a party and I ended up drinking a little to much and she ended up driving me back to my house. At which point I told her that I need her to stop talking to me al together or else I was never going to get over her. We both cried I bit and she left. Couple minutes later I felt like I had made a huge mistake and rode my bicycle to her place. She opened the door we had tea I sobered up a bit and we ended up passing out together on her couch. The next day I woke up covered her up with the blanket we were sharing gave her a kiss on her forehead and left. We stopped talking for 6 years until now we ran into in each other a couple months ago and she asked me for my phone number. I gave it to her not trying to be rude because there were people around.

    About a couple weeks later I receive a text from her wanting to meet up. I told her I was busy at work and she said she did not want to disturb me and would try again later. Maybe a month goes by and I don't hear from her. I decide to text her instead and we end up making plans for dinner. So dinner was last night and I find out she is married. She mentioned that her wife and her don't even live in the same city. We have a long talk catching up until the restaurant closed. I definitely felt something for her again and I know she felt it too. We have been texting since and she has been trying to make plans to meet up again. The night we had dinner I tossed and turned all night thinking about her.

    Now I'm here looking for advise and maybe someone can help me understand why should contact me again. I'm very conflicted wanting to severe ties all together so I do not have to go thru such pain again. Or keep hanging out with her a see where it leads. Any suggestions on getting over this?
     
  2. deru

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    I think she has a problem, if she is married she shouldn't be doing that kind of stuff. I think she does all of this so that she doesn't feel lonely. Or maybe she wants to feel loved by someone but she doesn't care if she doesn't reciprocate. Have you ever gotten intimate with her? If not then I think that would explain a lot of things, like the fact she probably just likes to use people.
     
  3. Col

    Col
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    You are probably right people love attention and do not like to be alone. To answer your question no we never were fully intimate. I guess also explains a lot.
     
  4. confusedbubble

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    Maybe you need to straight out ask her what her intentions are she seems happy seeing you again but you also need to find out what's going with her wife and why they aren't together