Okay, as said in the title, I have a mild porn addiction, which I have had for years-- im not proud of it, but its there-- i call it mild, because it doesn't really affect my life, and i more or less function normally. If I weren't (A) Eastern Orthodox, and (B) afraid of malware, I probably wouldn't worry about it-- but it is an addiction-- i say this, because sometimes the urge comes on me, and as much as I feel like its wrong, gross and dangerous, I always end up indulging it-- I try to resist sometimes, but rarely succeed for more than 20 minutes-- this happens 3-5 times a week, and i probably spend 90-180 minutes a week looking at porn altogether, so it really doesn't affect my life outside of the guilt, and potential computer damage. Also, due to being trans masturbation amplifies my dysphoria to EXTREME levels. I aquired this addiction when I was no older than 12, and I actually managed to get it under control for about a year when I was 14ish, but then it came back with a vengeance--I'm 18 now. it hasn't really gotten worse since, although the specific fetish stuff is getting more extreme, and im uncomfortable with that too. Of course im also afraid of issues with the law. Sometimes I try to get it under control, but this never really succeeds for more than a week or two, at most. So . . . this is really embarrassing to be asking for help about this, but I need it . . . and now I feel really guilty and disgusted with myself for needing to ask this . . . please try not to judge me for it.
I get it, and it is an area I struggle with too. One thing that helps is distraction. Find some art or photography to look at, listen to riveting music, or exercise to expend the energy and you may feel the urge pass. Sometimes it might be necessary to just get up and force yourself to do something else, like play a video game - something which requires your interactive attention. Breaking any habit takes time and you must be forgiving of yourself. You aren't disgusting or abnormal, but since this is an area you have expressed that you want to change, you have to be serious about making a plan to do so.
You have a lot of guilt swirling around in there, and so I'm not sure the "porn addiction" is really the root of your issue. As the other poster suggested, the amount of time you spend watching porn doesn't seem all that much more than average. Also, by your own statement, "it doesn't really affect my life, and i more or less function normally." But when you bring in the religious aspect, and paranoia about the law, this is a clue something else is at work. I am assuming your problem about the law is the result of anxiety and not because you are viewing things that are illegal to possess. In any case, you are concerned too about the type of fetishes that arouse you. So if you think about it, wouldn't you still feel a bit guilty and anxious, if you quit watching porn altogether, but still continued to think of these things? If so, then maybe a little deeper look at some of your inner conflicts would help. You're 18. Please give yourself some credit, for the typical level of sexual energy people your age have. It can seem like an uncontrollable obsession at times. A lot of this may not be just you--it may be just like a lot of other people. We don't talk about these things openly, so many times it's easy to feel we're freakishly abnormal. All the things you wrote can be a part of you. It may not be necessary to stamp one or more of them out.
You might want to check out yourbrainonporn.com or dot org. I'd google yourbrainonporn. It helped me and its been months. I also quit watching porn and started reading erotic stories. I'm not sure they are better, but to me it was a much better experience. Even though I still occasionally read them, I really am free of the addiction. I still go weeks and months without it. It also helps having a sexual partner I guess.
Is the concern about porn, or about masturbating? What you are describing actually sounds like pretty normal behavior for someone your age. If you see the time you're spending looking at porn (or masturbating) significantly increasing, then there is a potential concern. But if the amount of time and frequency of masturbation is relatively consistent, or even up-and-down, but on the whole, 3 to 5 masturbation sessions a week, what you're describing would not even be classed as an addiction and is likely not even a dependence or unhealthy use.
Yes, it's up and down. Some weeks its a much as 3 hours a day, every day, but those weeks are the exception (maybe 1 week like that every 3 months) Really my main reason for concern is religious, closely followed by it causing dysphoria. And the reason I called it an addiction is not the frequency-- its that when the urge does come I am (largely) unable to control it, even when I want to.
Is porn even against the law? I mean, I know child porn is (which is fucking disgusting). But regular porn? I would say the way you watch porn is probably normal. I'm a cis-female and even I watch it. I would say I probably watch it once a week for about 1-2 hours; which is about 2 hours a week. And most of that time it is spent finding porn that doesn't bore the shit out of me. Most porn is so over-the-top and stupid. Don't even get me started on lesbian porn... I tend to watch more Hentai than anything. I can't believe I'm admitted this openly. XD There was one guy who actually missed several weeks of school because all he wanted to do was watch porn. And he feels no shame. It was pretty funny, actually. o-o
I wouldn't worry too much about it. Like Chip said, As an easy rule: If it is not affecting your life (like missing school days/work to masturbate/look at porn), then it is probably ok. What you describe sounds pretty normal. Masturbation is part of nature, and there is nothing wrong with it. It is just a natural process of your body/sexual desires, and, as long as it isn't negatively affecting your life, it is natural and ok (and, in moderation, it is actually quite healthy, mentally and physically). If you are worried about masturbation being wrong, relax. Repeating myself: It is a natural thing, and as long as you aren't skipping work/school/hanging out with your friends to masturbate, then it is fine, common and natural.
And...maybe even that rule can be bent a little. I remember when I was in 7th grade, coming up with an excuse several times to be able to stay home and masturbate eight or nine times. I'm sure, at the time, it was quite a compulsion. The good news was, although it seemed like quite an addiction, it self-moderated as I got older. By my senior year in high school, on a good day I might have done it twice, once in a blue moon three times. The unfortunate thing about adolescence is that the wick in the candle burns pretty quickly and, by the time we realize the fun is only temporary, we don't have that kind of drive anymore. :lol:
you could try just using your imagination? Then you don't have to have a computer or masturbate? It sounds dumb but I don't know, worth a shot right? sounds like your situation is kind of similar to mine :3
