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scared of sex now please advice?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by atomic dorito, Aug 16, 2016.

  1. atomic dorito

    Regular Member

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    Okay this is a long story and i want to make it short and sweet and to the point. basically i was dating this girl, she took my virginity and then she turned out to be a Satanist. my parents found everything out, and we're all Christians so it was a pretty big deal. after their reaction to it all i'm now terrified of ever having sex and i'm scared of even falling in love... my mom wasn't as upset as my dad was so now if i wasn't gay enough before i am now. but here's the real kicker. there is a girl iv'e liked for 3-4 years and she and i are finally friends... she's pansexual and she said i could kiss her if i wanted to... she's everything iv'e ever wanted in a girl and im terrified to do anything... i've posted this before but i guess i need to add some details. first of all im not scared the new girl is satanic, second im not looking for any bad opinions. all i want is the answers to why im so scared of love and if i should take up this girls offer or not with reasons to accompany it. please.. help me i dont know what to do.:help:
     
  2. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    I'm sorry if you're dealing with these feelings, and it's understandable. Perhaps since you got into a relationship and had sex and it ended in a very traumatic way, that is what's scaring you, being afraid that there will be some kind of big consequences. I wonder, do you also feel like some of that fear is coming from your religious background? If so I've dealt with that before and I can relate. This is just my own opinion (and the whole religion thing is still tricky for me anyway) but I don't think sex before marriage is wrong. It's very likely that in Biblical times there would have been a strong push for not having premarital sex due to cultural reasons. When a female had sex with a man and/or got pregnant, she was then not worthy for marriage and would have been a huge financial burden for her family. STDs were also rampant. Today we have contraceptives and such, and yes you can come up with spiritual reasons why sex should be reserved for marriage, but then it's more a matter of faith and personal feelings about relationships. As long as you are responsible with your body (I.e being informed on how to have safe sex) and with your emotions, then no harm is being done. Sins are things that cause harm to others or yourself. Safe, consensual, and emotionally healthy sexual relationships do no such thing.

    Sex is okay, wanting to have sex and kiss your partner is natural and very healthy. Having sexual urges and fantasies is healthy and natural. Also, you are you and your choices are your own. Your parents won't be watching over you forever, and there won't always be the risk for that kind of issue if they find out about a relationship you're in. I'm sure this girls you like is really nice and any good girlfriend you might have in the future will want to please you and make you happy because you are worth it. It's okay to take things slow, and you never have to do anything you're not quite ready for.

    Also, I find it can be easier to be afraid of things like love and sex when you're not actively experiencing them. And when the time comes, it will be because those feelings are coming naturally with a person who makes you really feel them. It will be okay and you're worthy of a relationship, whatever kind of relationship you want with whatever kind of person you want. Remember, when you do enter into those kind of things again, you are still in control of what you do and don't and when, along with your partner. It will be okay, I'm sure and you'll find someone who you want to have sex with and go on dates with when the time is right and you feel comfortable. Best wishes<3